


To Be Loved

by sammi273



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-30
Updated: 2015-06-30
Packaged: 2018-04-07 00:00:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 27
Words: 28,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4241619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sammi273/pseuds/sammi273
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis can see ghosts, and Harry is a ghost, it's that simple.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Name: Sarah

Gender: Female

Age: 6 months

Siblings: None

Parents: Mark and Johnathan

My Age: 3

Time of Death: August 8, 1999

Reason Why Died: Murdered by parents

Needs to pass: Teddy bear

Name: Danica

Gender: Female

Age: 3

Siblings: None

Parents: Margo and Jason

My Age: 5

Time of Death: May 19, 1999

Reason Why Died: Cancer

Needs to pass: To meet someone else with cancer

Name: Mason

Gender: Male

Age:5

Siblings: Jack (15), Eli (10), Cathy (14)

Parents: Joe and Beth

My Age: 7

Time of Death: January 1, 1995

Reason Why Died: Broke neck when fell downstairs

Needs to pass: A friend

Name: Jimm

Gender: Male

Age: 16

Siblings: Kate (6)

Parents: John and Martha

My Age:10 

Time of Death: February 16, 2000

Reason Why Died: Shot

Needs to pass: To see his sister one last time

Name: J.J.

Gender: Male

Age: 20

Siblings: Alan (10)

Parents: Katherine and Noah

My Age: 13

Time of Death: December 18, 2008

Reason Why Died: Car crash

Needs to pass: To be remembered

Name: Liam Payne

Gender: Male

Age: 17

Siblings: 

Parents: Geoff and Karen

My Age: 14

Time of Death: June 18, 2010

Reason Why Died: Beaten to death

Needs to pass: To tell his daughter that he love her

Name: Dakota

Gender: Female

Age: 8

Siblings: Danny (twin)

Parents: Robby and Myra

My Age: 15

Time of Death: April 23, 1983

Reason Why Died: Got sick

Needs to pass: To find her brother

Name: Danny

Gender: Male

Age: 8

Siblings: Dakota (twin)

Parents: Robby and Myra

My Age: 15

Time of Death: April 24, 1983

Reason Why Died: Got sick

Needs to pass: To find his sister

Name: Zayn Malik

Gender: Male

Age: 16

Siblings: 

Parents: 

My Age: 15

Time of Death: March 21, 2010

Reason Why Died: Lung cancer from smoking

Needs to pass: To say bye to Niall, his boyfriend.

Name: Nate

Gender: Male

Age: 30-ish

Siblings: Unknown

Parents: Unknown

My Age: 16

Time of Death: Unknown

Reason Why Died: Unknown

Needs to pass: Revenge

It's been clear to me since I was young that I am able to see ghosts.

I wasn't sure what to do at first, but when I was three and met Sarah, I decided that I wanted to help them pass to the other side.

My mum knew that I was special, especially when I was three and had cried over losing my 'imaginary' friend Sarah once she had to go.

From the start, my mum believed that I could see ghosts, because Dad used to be able to as well.

When I turned thirteen, I decided to keep a journal of the ghosts I have helped over the years. That after I had met J.J.

Above are only a few ghosts that have changed my life, Nate especially being one of them.


	2. Because Of Me

I was rushed to the hospital.

I knew that I was there now, because I have been before.

There was a beeping sound, and it's really hard to breathe.

There were familiar cries.

There were low mumbles.

There was darkness all around so I couldn't see and I felt floaty so that I couldn't feel the pain.

The only thing that wasn't blocked out was my fear, and I wish that it could have been.

I didn't know if Lottie was okay.

I didn't know if I was okay, or if I'd even wake up ever again.

I didn't know if my family hated me now, or blamed me for what happened, what I had let happen.

I didn't know how long I'd be sleeping, stuck in darkness, or if I'd ever wake.

Darkness became my world after awhile.

I grew accustomed to the floaty feeling and the constant cries.

I knew that someone was crying and others were mumbling, I could here them.

And I was so scared, so scared of not knowing.

All at once, the beeps stopped, then got a lot faster before a pain erupted in my chest and the beeping stopped.

There was nothing.

However, there was peace.

I felt a jolt of electricity go through my body.

Once. Twice. Then three times.

Peace was gone, fear was back and I screamed, wanting to go back, to have peace for once.

Much against my will, my eyes opened, and I was met with the sight of five doctors looming over me, all dressed in scrubs. There was sobbing from my mum as she pushed past the doctors. Tightly, she hugged me, "Louis it's okay."

"Let me go! I wanna go back! I wanna go!" I screamed, squirming in her grasp. "Just please let me go!" I sobbed out brokenly. All I wanted was peace and to see my friends again, to see Sarah.

"I can't Lou, I can't. Baby tell me please who did this to you and Lottie?"

"Nate did it," I whispered, burying my head into her neck.

She knows who Nate is, I always tell her about all of my ghost encounters. With conflicted eyes she looked at me before clearing her throat, "you and I are moving."

"Mum, but Lottie and-"

"Lottie died, Lou you almost did too! You've been in a coma for a year now! I've had enough of this ghost business! We are moving to America and that is final!"

My jaw dropped at the new news and I turned my head to look out the window.

Lottie, my little sister is dead.

That's not even the worst part. The worst part about it is that it's all my fault.


	3. A Third Presence

A thick mist surrounded me, preventing me from seeing just barely a foot in front of me.

"Lou..." I heard a gentle voice whisper into my ear, cold lips subtly touched my ear. The voice was small, familiar.

"L-Lottie?" I whispered, spinning around, only to be met with the sound of footsteps. Quickly I followed in that direction, only to fall to my knees as I tripped over my own feet.

"Yes... It's me... don't go... go back to dad and the girls... don't go... tell mum... I said so..." Her voice swirled all around me, it was everywhere, she was everywhere.

There was a bright light, then just like that I jerked awake, my head whipped up so fast that I bumped it on the car window.

I didn't have to pack, because my mum did it all for me. Yesterday we left for the airport, but I didn't get to say bye to my sisters or my dad, or even see them again. It was late at night when we left and I haven't spoken at all to my mum since. Now we're in a rental car in America going to the new house in California, Sacramento. The flight took nearly twelve hours, because of bad weather.

My mum's eyes flickered up at the rear view mirror to look at me, "you okay back there?"

"Lottie said to go back," I said roughly, while meeting her eyes in the small mirror, speaking for the first time since we left the hospital yesterday.

"Did... did she speak to you? Did you see her?" She asked, nearly frantically as she clutched the wheel tightly.

"Does it matter?" I asked, looking out the window.

"Well to me it does," my mum answered, calming down slightly, relaxing her grip on the wheel.

"I didn't see her, she just spoke to me," I mumbled, watching the green trees go by. While I didn't want to anger her anymore than needed, I also didn't want to let her off the hook so easily.

She hummed in acknowledgement, but not agreement, "well it's too late to go back now."

"It's never too late to go back, you just don't want to." I said, my voice was on the brink of malice, but not quite.

The car was silent after that, she didn't reply probably so that she didn't want to start an argument. We both know what happens during and after an argument.

Besides, I'm simply not in the mood for an argument anyway.

***

My mum unlocked the door to the house. Apparently, she had been planning to move here for awhile, because there was already furniture inside.

The moment I stepped inside the house, a cold feeling went through me and my heart was suddenly in my throat.

"You okay there Boobear?" my mum asked, concerned eyes on me.

I frantically turned around to face the door as the hair on the back of my neck stood up, only to find nothing there.

Blinking, I felt as if I was drawn to go upstairs. Nearly not by my own will, I was pulled upstairs.

I found my feet dragging me to an open door. It was dark and there were stairs that lead upwards to where I was able to see a pale faint glowing light; almost as if there was a light bulb on.

Unwanted fear began coursing throughout my body.

However it disappeared, as well as the light, once I heard my mum waking upstairs. I immediately found myself breaking out of the trance-like state.

"Are you okay there Lou?"

"Where do these lead to?" I asked, ignoring the question.

"The attic." She answered, frowning, "this door wasn't opened earlier."

"I opened it, don't worry about it," I answered quickly yet not too quickly, the lie casually rolling off of my tongue.

"Then I must have forgotten to lock it. The local movers don't recommend going into the attic since it's unfinished." My mum explained, although I sensed that the movers didn't exactly tell her the entire truth, though they probably don't know themselves. Taking out the keys from her pocket, she closed the door, inserting one of the small silver keys to lock it.

Before we even spent a full day here, I already knew that there was a third presence here watching us that was definitely not God.

I didn't know who it was, but all I could do was pray that they were friendly.


	4. Damn Ninja Mums

"Boo let me lay down the rules. You can't go outside without your phone or without telling me where you are going. I have to meet any friends that you make before you go out with them. You are getting tutored, so you won't be going to school. You can't walk out this door without telling me. If you do happen to have any ghost encounters, you are to tell me and you are not allowed to help them. Do I make myself clear?"

I nodded, focusing on my lap instead of her face.

"Any questions?" she asked, placing her purse higher on her shoulder.

"Just one."

"Which is?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Why?"

"Because, I want to keep you safe. Now I have to go, I'm going to be late for work on my first day. Bye Lou, I love you."

Before I was able to answer, she rushed down the stairs then out the door and I sighed. "Love you too mum, but I just wish that you'd understand. I can't just stop this, being who I am, what makes me up. The ghosts, and helping the ghost are just a part of who I am."

Above me, I was able to hear footsteps pacing back and forth.

"I know you're up there and I hear you. Don't worry, I will help you, it just might take a little while."

The footsteps stopped before I heard them again, this time they were walking down the attic stairs. There was banging on the attic door. I would unlock the door, but mum has the key, besides I do have something to do today.

Taking out my cellphone, I dialed Niall's number. He picked up on the second ring.

"Hi Lou Lou."

I grinned, "hi Ni. Would you like to meet up today? I remember that you live in this area somewhere."

"Yeah I'm like fifteen minutes away. How about we meet up at the Panda Express near your place."

"Okay sounds good."

Without texting my mum, I walked out, locking the door behind me.

Just from walking down the sidewalk, I could feel someone poking my arms, grabbing weakly at legs, but I did my best to ignore them no matter how hard they tried to get my attention.

"Please just leave me alone," I whispered as I walked into the Panda Express. Niall was already seated at a booth and for me. I immediately took a seat across from him.

"Hi Niall, how have you been?"

"Missing Zayn. It's been two years and I still miss him, I suppose this is how it's supposed to feel like to lose someone close, right?"

I nodded, knowing the feeling, "yes it unfortunately is Niall."

He sighed, "and how have you been? I heard you've been hospitalized for like a year. I know that's gotta be different."

"Yeah it is, I was apparently in a coma."

"Well how'd you manage that?"

"Took a bullet and a beating for my sister, but she ended up dying anyways." I said, keeping my gaze on the table.

"Damn," Niall whispered.

"Damn indeed," I mumbled. "Now my mum wants me to stop helping ghosts pass over."

"No way! But Lou, that's your thing, you just can't stop something like that! It's like she asked you to stop breathing forever!" Niall exploded.

"Yeah I know. Don't worry I'm not listening to her. Don't have to go that far to find one though." I whispered. "There's a trapped ghost in the house I moved into."

"That's awesome, so you're like working from home! You might meet a couple of them at school too if you're lucky."

I picked through the rice noodles instead of looking at him, "well actually I'm getting tutored. Mum doesn't want me to go to school either."

"Well damn Tomlinson, what did you do?" Niall asked the rhetorical question, but I still shrugged. "How'd you even get the permission to come over here then?"

"I didn't. She's at work, so she wouldn't know about me going out."

"Well aren't you a rebellious teen. When she finds out, you can tell her that I forced you," Niall winked at me.

I rolled her eyes, "she isn't going to find out."

"I know your mum, and believe me, she will find out. She's like a freaking ninja! But anyways, I have a surprise for you!"

"And that would be...?"

"Well since I'm way ahead of the class, I volunteered to tutor other people. Principal Harrison decided that I should be the one to tutor you!"

My eyes widened, "you're just telling me this now!?"

"Surprise!"

I rolled my eyes.

"Love you too Lou Lou!"

***

Later, when I was walking home from Panda Express, I felt the constant poking at my arm again, only this time when ignored, they grabbed and violently shook my arm.

"I'm sorry but not right now," I whispered.

The shaking stopped, but there was a stinging pain in my arm and three long scratch marks appeared down my arm, crimson blood bubbled and dripped onto the pavement.

Walking briskly to the house, I held my bleeding arm, whimpering at the pain.

The moment I locked the door behind me, I took care of the scratches, washing and disinfecting them. Once that was done, I applied my half full container of concealer to the scratches, hoping that my mum wouldn't notice. 

I have a lot of that stuff, especially after Nate and other things.

Mum didn't come home until eleven at night. When she did, her eyes immediately narrowed in on my arm and she frowned. "Louis William Tomlinson, come here now."

With tired protesting limbs, I walked over to her.

"You are aware that I know the exact shade of your concealer, so I can tell when you're wearing it."

"Just skip to the point mum," I yawned. "It's sort of late, and I am sort of tired."

She didn't answer, instead taking my tender arm, she gently rubbed the concealer off. I couldn't help but hiss at the pain.

"How did you get this?" she asked lowly.

"A cat scratched me," I easily lied.

Her eyes narrowed, "so you went outside?"

I spluttered, "how ever did you come up with that?"

"You're grounded for a week, now get to bed it's late."

"Damn Niall," I groaned, making my way sleepily upstairs.

***

That night I didn't sleep a wink, fingers relentlessly poked me and hands grabbed at me.


	5. A Broken Home

Groggily, I got out of bed the next morning to an almost silent house. Upstairs, the ghost was relentlessly pacing. I assumed that my mum was already at work since the ghost only makes noises when only I'm in the house.

At least I know that the ghost is a smart one.

I decided to get up and start my research on this house to find out exactly what I'm up against. So, I took out my phone, and immediately called Niall.

My old laptop is still in the storage, and I feel too tired to get up and actually go get it.

On the other end there was a yawn from Niall, and I rolled my eyes.

"What does the little Lou Lou want? Do you not know how early it is to be up on a Saturday morning?"

"Sorry Nialler, but can you help me out some? It would mean a lot to me."

There was a sigh, and a bit of rustling before he answered, "fine, what do you need?"

"Can you do some research on the house I'm in right now?" I asked.

"Okay, I just need the address."

Thanking him profusely, I gave him the address. I heard some more shuffling, then I heard typing.

"What do you have so far?" I asked impatiently after ten minutes of silence.

"Well, a lot of headlines actually. A lot of serious shit went on in that house Lou Lou. Someone was raped and murdered in that house."

I sighed, placing a hand over my face, I always hate situations like these, because it hurts me to know that someone had to go through so much pain before they died.

"Male or female?" I asked.

"Male."

"Do you have his name?" I asked.

"No, he was a minor, but his last name was Styles."

Taking a shuddering breath, I continued, "does it say how old?"

"No, but he had an older sister named Gemma. She claims that he was crazy."

"Does... does it say who killed him?"

It took a moment for Niall to reply, "it says that his mum killed him."

"His mum?" I whispered, just as the footsteps upstairs ceased their pacing. The  silence didn't last for very long before there was stomping down the attic stairs. "What was her motive?" I asked.

"I don't know Lou, it doesn't say. But her name was Anne Cox and she was a single parent." He paused a moment before he added, "well it looks like you have a proper ghost on your hands."

I sighed, "yes, yes it does. Now I've gotta go. I'm going to try and talk to him."

"Okay Lou. Good luck and please be careful, got it?"

"Of course I will, don't worry I've done with many situations like this. Bye- bye Nially."

"See you later Lou Boo."

Niall hung up, and I put my phone into my pocket, then took out my journal.

I began to carefully fill out what I knew in pencil.

Name: --- Styles

Gender: Male

Age: Under 18

My Age: 17

Parent(s): Anne Cox

Siblings: Gemma (Over 18)

Time of Death:?

Reason why died: Raped, then murdered by mum.

Needs to pass:?

Satisfied, I closed my journal and placed it under my pillow.

Walking into the hallway, I walked over to the attic door, and leaned my head against the door.

"Hello there, Styles, I do know that you're up there."

The stomping stopped, as if he was listening. "And, I'm here to help you, I want you to stop hurting and be able to pass to wherever you need to go to.

"Gemma thought that you were crazy, didn't she? Well I don't think that you are. You're just hurt after what happened. I won't hurt you, I promise. All I want to do is help and take away your pain."

There were angry fists banging on the attic door, and I moved my forehead off of it.

"Calm down please, Styles. Can you at least give me your first name so I can stop calling you by your last?"

Just as I finished my sentence, there was a loud crash downstairs, and I quickly ran down to see what it was.

Much to my surprise, I saw that my mother's glass jar had fallen, spilling it's contents of Lottie's ashes.

Sighing shakily, I got on my knees, scooping the ashes into my hands, and put them into a different glass jar, having more than one glass jar.

"Those were my sister's ashes, that wasn't at all right of you to do Styles." I whispered.

***

That night my mum came home late drunk off her ass, saw the old jar cracked and in the trash, and saw the dark stain Lottie's ashes had left on the carpet, she yelled at me. We fought, she hit me, then immediately grounded me for two weeks.


	6. Broken Patterns

Curled up in bed, I let the tears slip slowly down my bruised cheek.

My mother's drunken voice echoed in my head, 'it's all your fault she's dead! You're not making anything better by acting up like this! I never wanted a boy, only girls! I should have given you up for adoption while I had the chance. Do you think that I ever wanted you to have the ability to see dead people? Did I ask for such a queer child!? No I didn't.'

I shook my head, 'well you really should have given me up for adoption then. It was your choice to keep me or not. If you didn't want me so badly, then you shouldn't have kept me. I never gave you the impression that I wanted a mother that was always drunk off of her ass.'

Her eyes were angry as she raised her hand and brought it against my cheek. 'You are grounded for two weeks and I don't want to see you until those weeks are over, understood?'

Without replying to her, I ran upstairs, not wanting her to see me cry. Locking the door behind me, I collapsed on my bed, tears cascading down my cheeks, which leads to now.

I'm not sure how long I've been laying here sniffling and crying, but I knew it was awhile, because I was suddenly able to hear footsteps come awake pacing the attic. Wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, I grabbed a tissue then blew my nose.

I got up and threw away the tissue, then grabbed a bobby pin, and walked out of  my room to the attic door. However, to my surprise, there were footsteps walking down the stairs. Instead of the usual banging on the door, the door flew open, and in front of me stood a pale and tall ghost that looked nearly alive, but I knew better by now. His soft green eyes were watching me carefully.

"Hello," I spoke up.

He stared at me for a few moments more before nodding, "hi."

"Would you like to sit in my room?" I asked casually, acting as if I hadn't just been crying.

He nodded, "that would be appreciated. It's not cold down here like it is upstairs."

"Well that's good, follow me to my room."

I waited for his nod before leading him to my room.

The moment we walked in, I sat on top of my bed, and patted beside me, signaling him to sit next to me. Very hesitantly, he sat down beside me.

I took out my pencil, and journal, "is it okay if I ask you a few questions first?"

When he slowly nodded I cleared my throat for the first question, "what's your first name?"

"Harry."

"Okay Harry, how old are you?"

"Seventeen and a half." Harry answered.

"Do you know who your father is?"

Harry shook his head, flipping his floppy curls back and forth.

"How old was Gemma, and any other siblings that you had?"

"There was only Gemma and I. She was twenty four."

"This is the last question, I promise. When exactly did you die?"

He thought a bit before answering, "August fifteenth, 2013."

"That's fairly recent, then."

He nodded, "this used to be Gemma's room, you know."

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know. If you want, I could go to a different room."

"No, it's fine. Just brings back memories is all." He quipped back, then changed the subject. "Now, can I ask you questions too?"

I chuckled slightly, surprised at the question, "it would only be fair if you did, after all."

Harry nodded, and studied my face for a few moments as if in thought, "What's your name?"

"My name Is Louis, but my friends call me Lou."

"And Lou Boo," he chuckled. "But I'll be different and call you Boobear," he winked at me.

Heat unwillingly rose to my cheeks at the nickname, "okay."

"How long have you been alive?"

"Seventeen and a half years as well."

"Okay," he nodded, leaning his face in close to my own, inspecting it closely. "You were crying earlier, why?"

"My mum hit me and said some really nasty things to me is all."

"I'm sorry, was it because I broke that jar with the ashes?" he asked quietly.

I shrugged. "Maybe."

"Sorry, I thought that the jar was empty."

"Don't apologize, it's fine. It wasn't your fault, besides I've had ghosts do worse."

He hummed, "okay, your mum is gonna be home soon, I better go. I'll see you tomorrow though."

"But Harry don't-" However, before I was able to even finish my protest, Harry was gone, and it was as if he was never there.

Just as Harry said, the front door opened, I locked my own door. From downstairs, I heard the fridge open, then close shut, then the soft clank of a glass bottle, and I immediately knew what she was doing.

That night she didn't come up to apologize like she usually does afterwards.

Name: Harry Styles

Gender: Male

Age: 17

My Age: 17

Parent(s): Anne

Siblings: Gemma (24)

Time of Death: August 15, 2013

Reason why died: Raped, then murdered by mum.

Needs to pass:?


	7. Take A Stand

I screamed for him to stop when he placed his hands on Lottie. None of my ghosts have touched my family, only me, just me.

My eyes widened in horror when he instead tightened his grip around her wrist and a scream left her own lips.

All he did was chuckle menacingly, "I don't think so."

Thinking quickly, I slammed my body into his own hulking figure. He let go of Lottie, only to immediately wrap his hands firmly around my neck.

My eyes widened as my breathing was cut off and a sick feeling took place in the pit of my stomach.

I tried to open my mouth to scream, to yell for help, but that didn't happen, instead nothing but a pathetic minuscule noise of protest left my mouth.

"No please stop it! You're killing him!" I heard Lottie scream.

He didn't listen, tightening his hold on my neck. Tears started to flood my cheeks and he chuckled darkly. To my relief, he roughly threw me to the floor, returning my breath to me. I focused on steadying my breathing instead of breathing.

However, when I turned to look at Lottie, I realized that breathing and puking were the least of my worries.

***

I was startled awake by a heavy weight on my chest, and I screamed, wishing that it would go away. I felt a cool presence surrounding me before the weight disappeared, and there were green eyes in front of my own.

They belonged to none other than Harry Styles.

"It's okay Love, just calm down." My breathing started to slow, but my eyes were still terrified. "That's right, love just look into my eyes. Don't think about your bad dream, just look at me and think about me. I promise that you'll be okay."

Sniffling, I wiped away a tear that had fell without me knowing. "B-but I can't," I whispered. "It's not just a dream, it was a memory."

He nodded, "I know about those more than anyone else probably would. I'll be honest, they don't go away easily, but when you have them, you have to remember that it's in the past, it's not happening again, and that you're still alive. Think that you could do that for me, Love?"

"I think so," I nodded, sleepiness suddenly overtaking my body.

"Okay, now go to sleep, Lou Boo. Your mum will want to talk to you tomorrow."

A small hum was all that I could manage before I fell asleep. I know that Harry had made me fall asleep, but it's okay since I know that there'd be no other way for me to fall asleep anyways.

***

I grinned as Luke pecked me on the lips one last time, "you've better go before your mum sees us together."

"I just wish that she'd be able to understand us together. I don't understand why she's so against me being gay." I sighed, leaning against him.

He grinned sadly, "I know. Hurry inside before she catches us though."

Nodding, I climbed out of his car, waving slightly at him before he drove away. The moment I walked into the house, I was startled to hear my mum's slurred voice.

"I knew that you've been seein' that Luke boy again."

Looking down at the carpeted floor, I chose not to answer, knowing that it would only make things worse.

"It's only for your own good! You are not allowed to see him again! If i see you with him again, I'll beat you just as bad as the last time, do you fucking understand!?"

Sniffling, I nodded.

"Good, now if you don't break up with him this instant, I won't hesitate to put you up for adoption. Maybe they'll teach you a good lesson over there."

Without answering, I took out my phone.

***

I woke up to light knocking on my door, and my mum's timid voice. "Louis, please wake up, I have something important that I need to say to you."

Wiping away the sleep from my eyes, I slowly got up, and unlocked my door only to slightly crack it. My voice was hoarse as I spoke, "what do you want?"

"To apologize. I'm sorry that I hit you again, Lou." She looked over the bruise that she had left on my face. "It's just been very stressful at work and at the party when they offered me a drink, I couldn't help but take it."

I shrugged, "it's fine I guess..." I trailed off, knowing that it would happen again anyways.

"You're still on punishment for talking back to me, you should know better by now."

"Sorry for standing up for what I believe in." I threw the familiar sentence at her before slamming the door shut in her face.

***

Instead of dialing Luke's number, I handed the phone out to her.

"I dare you to do it, since you seem to get off on making all of my choices for me. Oh, and make sure you tell him exactly what you told me and tell him how much of a homophobic bitch you are," I snapped.

She glared at me with glassed over eyes and spat at me, "fine keep your little boy toy, but you're grounded for a month."

I turned on my heels to face the direction of the stairs, "sorry for standing up for what I believe in."


	8. Teddy Bear Companions

It's almost my third birthday.

I can't wait to open my presents and see what I'll get.

Honestly, I would really like a new teddy bear because my old one is ripped so badly that the stuffing comes out on one side and he's missing both of his eyes. Mummy said that I've had him since I was a baby and that I was quite rough with Mr. Snuggles.

I'm scared to snuggle with him now, because if all the stuffing falls out, then he'll die, so I need a new bear to snuggle with.

On my birthday, Mum dressed me up all proper because we're going to Auntie's house today to celebrate my birthday. I don't remember meeting auntie, because Mum said that I last saw her when I was only eight months old. I don't feel like dressing up today, though.

Last night I met this girl who was a lot younger than me. 

Her name was Sarah and she really liked Mr. Snuggles.

We stayed up late last night playing with him, so I'm really sleepy.

But I really want to play with Sarah.

She was a lot smaller than me too. I've never seen anyone smaller than me, I always thought that I was as small as they come.

"Go on and open up the last present, it's from your mother," my auntie smiled at me before handing me the wrapped gift.

It was very light, as if there was nothing inside of it, however, once I opened it up, I realized that wasn't the case at all. Beneath the layer of wrapping paper, was a blue see through box that had a teddy bear inside.

I hugged the box tightly, before hugging my mum as well.

"Thank so much Mummy! I love so much!"

"You're welcome Love. His name is Sandy, because that's what's written on the box, but you could of course change his name when ever you'd like to."

"Named Sandy, is perfect," I answered, holding the box out to auntie. "Can please open?"

After we ate cake and ice-cream, me and mummy went home.

I was excited for the moment when mummy would tuck me in, because then that meant that once she left the room, I'd get to play with Sarah.

So when it came time to get ready for bed, I didn't fuss, instead I clutched Sandy in my arms and sleepily sucked my thumb into my mouth.

Once mummy kissed my forehead, tucked me in, then closed the door shut, I immediately popped up in my bed.

"Sarah? Are you here?"

There was a small sneeze, then there was a very tiny girl in front of me shyly waving.

"I got a new bear today, his name's Sandy you see?"

She very shyly nodded, focusing her brown bruised eyes on Sandy, "pretty."

I nodded, "he is isn't he. I'll let you play with Sandy, and I'll play with Mr. Snuggles."

She shook her head, "Mr. Snuggles."

"Okay," I reached around her to grab Mr. Snuggles for her, then gave it to her. "Here."

Sarah grinned happily, hugging the bear tightly. "Thank."

We played for hours with the two bears until sunlight started to peek through the curtains, giving Sarah a translucent look.

Sadly, she handed Mr. Snuggles to me.

"See later." Then she disappeared, just as my mum walked into my room.

"Good to see you're already up, Love. Time to get ready, we have a big day today. We have to pick Daddy up from the airport, then we're going to the store."

I was happy to see Daddy, he hugged me, and told me 'happy birthday'. He gave me an art kit as a present.

In the store, I fell asleep in the cart and didn't wake up again until it was night time.

Sarah was already there waiting, and her eyes brightened when she saw that I was awake.

"Do you want to play tonight?" I asked her, but she shook her head.

"Talk."

"What about?"

"My secret."

My eyes widened. I love secrets, they make me feel important when I get told one.

"What is it?" I asked curiously, leaning in close to her.

"Am... dead..." She looked down at her hands.

"I know," I grinned. "I thought so anyways since only I could see you. How did you die?"

"Daddies' hits," she said quietly, a tear falling onto the back of her hand.

I gasped at the new information, my mummy and daddy never hit me before. I didn't even know that they could do that. "I'm sorry, here's Mr. Snuggles." Immediately, I thrusted him into her arms.

She tightly hugged Mr. Snuggles, her tears subsiding, and there was a small smile on her face.

"Wanna keep Mr. Snuggles?" I asked her, 

Quickly, she nodded, "Sarah like."

"Okay then, just promise that we'll play together again from time to time." I grinned, assuming that she just needed a teddy bear.

She nodded, "Mr. Snuggles mine?"

"He's all yours to keep."

I noticed that the sun was starting to rise, as did Sarah.

"Bye Louis." She waved shyly.

I waved, "bye-bye. See you soon."

She disappeared, little did I know that I'd never see her again.


	9. Unopened and Unresolved

Just as it was my first day here, I felt that same energy drawing me towards the attic later that afternoon. After many years of feeling this feeling in general, I've learned not to ignor it and just go along with the feeling, knowing that it would only end up hurting me more if I didn't.

I got up and walked to the attic door, however I wasn't surprised when I saw that it was already opened, saving me the hassle of attempting to pick the lock again. My mum was smart enough to take the key with her.

Again, I saw a faint glowing light upstairs, just as I did before. Taking a deep breath, I started my trudge upstairs. There were a lot more stairs than I had initially thought, at least thirty steps. It was freezing. Goosebumps immediately began to raise on my bare arms.

A strong feeling started to creep up on me so subtly that I didn't even notice it until it plowed into me full force once I reached the top step.

There was sadness, despair, loneliness, fear.

I felt tears welling up in my eyes for no reason particular. When one fall onto my cheek, I immediately wiped it away, sniffling.

There was a heavy feeling in my chest and my heart was in my throat, quickly beating. Shaking my head, I walked around, looking at various items.

The attic was very much finished, in fact it was probably exactly how the Styles family left it.

There was a make-shift bed that I assumed to be Harry's. In the walls, there were various holes. Beside the bed, there was a dresser, which was probably for his clothes. Just as I had thought before, there was a single lamp on top of the dresser that was on.

"Harry are you up here?" I called out.

However, instead of seeing his familiar green eyes and dark curls, I felt an overwhelming sense of anger settle within me. A red haze clouded my vision and suddenly my fist ached to punch something, or to yell and scream, or even start a fight.

"Harry cut it out!" I yelled, knowing he was behind the reason why I am feeling this anger.

Instead of feeling calm again, the anger intensified to the point where I had a headache that had me leaning against the wall for support.

Taking a steadying breath, I attempted to speak firmly, but instead I sounded more like pleading, "Harry please stop it right now. I'll leave right now if you don't."

Without waiting, I started to walk down the stairs, despite the fact that every time I took a step, the world around me began to spin.

Once I made it to the bottom step, I slammed the door shut, and ran to my room, also slamming that door shut too. Digging out my mobile, I quickly dialed my dad, the one person I knew that would understand me and this situation.

He used to be able to see ghosts as well when he was younger.

Sniffling, I held the phone close to my ear.

"Lou, are you okay?" He asked the moment he picked up the phone.

"Yeah it's just... I'm just... promise not to tell mum?"

"Of course I won't, tell me what's wrong?" my dad pressured.

Sighing shakily, I told him everything that has been happening as I paced my bedroom floor. I told him about Harry, the nightmares, the different emotions, the attic, Mum's 'rules', Mum drinking again, Mum hitting me; everything.

Once I finished speaking, I was out of breath and a lot more tired than when I had started out.

"I'm so sorry that all of this is happening. Tell your mum to call me, we haven't spoken to each other for awhile. I know that she must be stressing out a lot. You can call me when ever you need to, it doesn't matter how late or early. Now, as of the emotions, you need to learn how to block out those feelings and thoughts that Harry is trying to put into your head. That's about all that you can really do."

"Okay, I'll try that. Thanks Dad."

"No problem bud. Maybe... maybe you could try painting again. I know that it's been awhile, and you said that you weren't going to, but that might help you relieve some stress as well."

I didn't hesitate to answer, which probably surprised him, "I think that I will, I've been getting that urge anyways."

"Okay, don't worry about what your mum says about it. Your art kit is in a box in your closet, I made sure that the movers brought it specially over there. In the same box are all of your other paintings as well."

"Thank you Daddy. Can you do me a favor?"

"Of course, anything for you Lou."

"Hug and kiss the girls for me, tell them that I miss them, and love them so much." I said quietly, sitting on my bed.

"I will. Do you need anything else?"

"Yes, can you put flowers on Sarah's grave, oh and tell her that I miss her too. Talk to her, tell her that I hope to see her soon and hopefully it'd be me talking to her next time instead of you."

"Don't worry, I will," he assured me. In the background, I started to hear screaming and crying, and I couldn't help but wince, and smile anyways. I haven't heard at all from my sisters in so long, "I'm so sorry Lou, but I need to go right now. Call me back whenever. Bye, love you."

"Love you too Daddy, bye-bye," I hung up.

Looking at my closet, I decided that I wouldn't open the box today, not ready to face what was inside it.


	10. Then Prove It

We started to visit my grandfather more often, because he has 'stage four lung cancer' from smoking.

I'm only five, but it doesn't take a genius to know that he is very sick and probably dying. After all, I am smart enough to know that being in a hospital and hooked up to a million machines probably means you're going to die soon.

It's late at night, very dark and I'm very tired, super tired in fact. Though I don't know the time, I do know that it has to be past my bed time. We're just now getting back from the hospital and pulling into the driveway.

When we walk into the house, I suddenly felt sad for some weird reason. It doesn't feel like a sadness for my grandfather, it felt even deeper than that.

As I laid in bed that night, I sniffled, feeling salty tears already cascading down my cheeks. I heard someone else sniffle and my eyes widened at the thought of someone being there, probably crying right next to me as I did the same thing. They are probably watching me right now too.

I didn't see anyone, but I knew that they were still there from the small whimpers and sniffles. That night, I didn't get any sleep at all from the crying.

For a majority of the time, I thought it was Sarah, but it wouldn't make sense, because Sarah was happy. She wouldn't be crying, especially after I gave her Mr. Snuggles. Also when I whispered out Sarah's name, no one would answer. Sarah would always answer me when I knew that she was there, anyway.

So, I concluded that this is probably another ghost.

The next day when Mommy, Daddy and I went to the hospital, I reached up for my Dad, too tired to be up on my own. My Dad immediately picked me up, and I snuggled into his neck.

"Hello there Lou. Are you sleepy?" He asked and I nodded. "Okay then, maybe we'll try getting home earlier. You do look quite tired," he paused to press the back of his hand against my forehead, "and it feels like you're coming down with something."

Without answering, I closed my tired eyes, fast asleep in my dad's arms.

Before I knew it, I was in my own bed, the sky that peeked through my curtains was dark. The images that still lingered of my dream, however was much darker.

Though I wasn't as tired, I felt a random sense of sadness. When tears began forming in my eyes, I quickly got up and hurried out my room, knowing that the crying would come next.

I wandered into my parents' bedroom in search of my dad, and was relieved to find him reading a book in his bed. Sniffling, I climbed into the bed next to him, cuddling into his side.

He frowned, "what's wrong Boo?"

Unable to answer, I hid my face in his side.

'Why was I really crying anyways?' I was found asking myself. I'm not tired, frustrated, scared, or distraught. I was just sad for no particular reason. Frowning in thought, I answeredvmy dad, hoping that he knew how to make the sadness stop.

"D-don't kn-ow. Just f-feel real s-sad."

"When do you feel really sad?" He asked while soothingly rubbing circles into my back.

"Wh-when I'm in my room at night." I answered, finally starting to calm down. "There was crying in my- my room last n-night."

He nodded before carefully asking, "have you seen any... any apparitions?"

I frowned, "as... appa- what?"

"Have you seen any ghosts?"

I nodded slightly hesitant, "saw Sarah. She said that she is dead. Having bad dreams too about a girl."

"Could you explain exactly how she looks like in your dreams?"

"No... it's very hard... maybe... maybe can paint her?"

He nodded, "that's a good idea Boo. Let's hurry before Mum gets home, okay?"

Unanswering, I quickly got up, and scampered out to my art room, my dad following closely behind me. He helped me to set up my painting easel, and my paint.

Sighing, I began to paint exactly what I had remembered seeing in my dream. There were blue eyes, tired and sad. Her dark hair was thin. She was sickly looking.

Once I finished, my dad's eyes became sad, empty, and shocked, as if he had just seen a ghost. "Who is it?" I asked him.

"That is Danica."

Just as he said the sentence,  my mom burst into the room, her eyes widening as she saw the drying paint.

Before I knew what was happening, my art kit, and the painting, were all packed away into a large box, which was placed in the basement. My mom yelled some really hate filled words at me, then stomped downstairs, and outside, slamming the door shut behind her.

I sniffled, tears falling at my lack of understanding. "Who was Danica?" I asked my dad quietly.

"She was your adopted sister, but she died before you could even meet her. She was very sick with  cancer and the doctors weren't able to help her, just like the doctors can't help grandpa right now."

"I'm sorry that I painted her, dad, I didn't know that if was bad I'll never paint again. I don't want to hurt anyone else."

"But Lou, I was the one who told you to paint the picture, it wasn't your fault. Don't listen to your Mum, she just doesn't understand what it really means to be able to see ghosts."

"Do... do you see them too?"

"When I was very young, around your age, I saw my first ghost. Her name was Phoebe, and she was nine. I wanted to do everything that I could to help her get to the other side. I don't see them anymore, I only hear them from time to time if I'm lucky."

"Wanna help them to, Dad. I want them to be happy."

"Okay then, you'll need to help Danica to pass over, then."

***

"Danica, are you here?" I whispered.

There was a small sniffle in response.

"What's wrong? Why are you sad?" I asked softly.

Suddenly, there was a small little girl in front of me, the very same girl that has been lingering in my dreams for the past few days.

"I'm sad, because I'm here all alone and I really miss my Mummy. It's not fair that I had to die the way that I did. It hurts so much."

I bit my lip, "I'm sorry. You know... you aren't the only one that has cancer. People get it every day, die from it every dayn too."

"Oh yeah? Then prove it." She challenged me.

"My Grandpa is going to die from it. So how about you come with me tomorrow to see him. He would love to meet you. He doesn't get many visitors and he really likes children, but I'm the only child that really comes to see him."

She seemed to sit and think for a long while before speaking again, "I suppose it wouldn't hurt or be time lost if I went."

***

The next day when Mummy, Daddy, and I were in the car with Danica was right next to me. Though I couldn't see her, I could sense her there even still.

"Mummy, I'm sorry," I whispered quietly.

She didn't answer menand my dad looked at her tiredly. She still didn't speak to me, even after we arrived at the hospital, and piled out of the car. I felt someone tap at my hand I looked to my left to see blue eyes that matched my own.

"Don't worry about her. She doesn't understand anything."

I stifled my small giggle in agreement.

We walked into the hospital, walking to the well memorized room of my grandfather. His eyes were darkly rimmed, and tired, however once he saw us, they immediately lit up.

"Why hello there. And who might this young lady be?"

Danica's eyes widened at the attention, then all time around the three of us seemed to stop. My mother frowned, still not able to see Danica still. However, when she went to walk up to him, but my dad held her back, motioning her to wait.

"Hello mister, my name is Danica."

***

After that day, haven't seen Danica again, not even in my dream  and I knew that she was okay.


	11. An Abundance Of Harrys

I took an entire hour the next day to even gather up the courage to go near my closet. Now that I knew what is in there, I feel nauseated to even take a step in its direction. However, once I had, my mobile rang, and I sighed in what seemed like relief as I answered it, not bothering to look at the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Hey Lou Lou"

"Oh, hi Ni. What's up?" I asked briefly while staring at my closet door, wishing that there was something different inside than what my dad had told me.

"Your Mum told me to come over there today to start your first lesson. She told me very strictly to not allow you anywhere since you're grounded, so I thought that maybe we could just hang out together instead at your place. I doubt that you're in the mood for interpreting and solving polynomials."

I chuckled slightly, "well you guessed right. Besides, I have a lot to talk about anyways."

"Okay I'll be over in ten." He hung up, and once again I sighed in relief at the distraction from my art kit that awaited me in my closet.

***

"So did Harry make you feel mad on purpose, or was he so mad that you were just automatically affected, or was there a lot of anger contained in that one room?"

Sighing, I shook my head, "I honestly wouldn't be able to tell you unless if I went back up there."

"Well then why don't you just go back up there?"

"Because I've never felt an anger so bad that it turned to hate. I've never lost control over myself and wanted to hurt someone, or anyone do that matter. I don't want to end up hurt you."

Niall chuckled slightly, "that's sweet and all, but you couldn't hurt me even if you tried. I'm taller than you, probably stronger than you. Besides Lou, I do know how to defend myself."

"Hatred and anger are the two elements that can empower a person or break them."

Much to my surprise, he ignored my statement, "so is that your only reason?"

"No... I'm... I'm scared too of losing control, and just in general." I admitted quietly.

His eyes softened, "isn't that what every person has to struggle with everyday? Besides, don't worry, you are the strongest person I've ever known. You rarely lose your cool, and have you seen what you have to work with on a daily basis? You got shot over this, Lou, and yet you still choose to help these ghosts, because you know it's the right thing to do."

"Okay fine I'll go."

"That's the spirit, mate! I'll be down here waiting for you, then."

Getting up, I walked upstairs only to find the attic door already opened. Sighing shakily, I started to walk slowly up the stairs, and as I did, I started to feel more light headed, and just lighter in general. Shaking my head, I attempted to clear it, however it didn't help. Continuing my trek up the stairs, I began to think of how this is probably a bad idea, but I also knew that Niall is right. I have to at least try to help Harry to the other side. In the past, I have dealt with many angry ghosts, Nate being one, Jimm, Alan, and Mason being others. I always know how to deal with them, Nate being the only exception.

Before I knew what I was doing, I placed a hand over my stomach, knowing that was where my scar lies.

Gaining more confidence in myself, I removed my hand, and began to walk up the stairs quicker, a sudden need to help Harry flooding my system, all nervousness passing away. As I reached the top, I was surprised with what I saw. There were at least four different Harrys all at once.

There was a Harry at his dresser opening up the drawer, and taking out what looked like a condom, then he closed it and walked away, only to walk back moments later empty handed shirtless and granted a shirt from the bottom drawer.

At the same time, a different Harry was angrily pacing across the floor, however at his fourth round, he stopped at the wall, and growled lowly before punching it, sending plaster everywhere.

Another Harry was turning the lamp on, and then bit his lip before turning it off only to think better off if, then turned it back off, and shook his head.

There was another laying in bed crying, but that only lasted a few moments before us started to stare blankly up at the ceiling, only to stop moments later and began to nervously bite the side of his thumb, as soon as that started it ended. Much to much to my surprise, he opened his mouth widely then let out a long and loud scream.

"Harry!" I called out to him.

Immediately all the several Harrys looked in my direction. There was a bright light, then all the Harrys morphed together. He gave me one look before widening his eyes, then disappeared completely.

Frowning, I chose to call out for him once more only to get no response. Frustratedly, I walked over to his bed and plopped on top of it, crossing my arms. "Fine then, I'm not going to leave until you come to me and talk to me."

Five minutes went by, then ten, then I'm pretty sure that it was a full hour I spent starting at the hole punched wall before I heard footsteps walking up the stairs.

My eyes looked towards the stairs in hopes of seeing a head filled with dark curls, however instead I saw a head filled with bright blond hair, and I snorted, shaking my head in disbelief.

"Well then, hello to you too."

"Sorry Ni, I just thought that you would be Harry."

"It's no problem, I understand that I'm not who you want me to be, I get it. But anyways, I just thought that you'd like to know that your Mum called to tell you that she'd be home soon."

"Did she ask for me?" I asked, standing up and stretching out my stiff and achy limbs.

"Well duh, she did call your phone after all. I told her that you were taking a very long waz." Niall said, casually shrugging.

I shook my head, chuckling slightly, "of course you did, Ni. Well thank you very much for that I suppose."

"You should be thanking me, I mean would you ever say something like that to my mum?"

"Only if it were true, and besides, I didn't ask for you to say that, so I don't need to thank you for anything." I rolled my eyes at him, starting my way downstairs.

"Well you would thank me for being such an awesome friend for even talking to your mum, it shows that I really care about you," Niall said slightly jokingly as he followed me down the stairs.

"Whatever," I mumbled, rolling my eyes.

***

"How was your day today with Niall?" my mum asked me that night as we were eating dinner.

I shrugged, "pretty good, he taught me something about polynomials. But mum... dad said that he wants you to call him, because he and the girls really miss you."

"You've talked to him recently?" She asked, ignoring what I had said, and took another bite of food.

Lightly biting my lip, I sighed, "yes I did. He also suggested that I start painting again."

"Are you going to?" She asked, her eyes piercing my own.

"Yes, I am, actually. I miss painting, and it's the one good thing that I can actually do, Mum. It's not fair that you feel the need to take that away from me."

It was her turn to sigh irritably, "I'll call your father, but I'll have to think about you painting again."

"Mum, I wasn't asking for permission, it's something that I'm going to do whether you like it or not."

AN: Sorry if this is crap! I promise that I tried! Love you guys though! I hope you liked the chapter anyways!


	12. No More Pretend

I've been seven now for a few months, and I've seen many ghosts, at least ten. I like to help them pass to the other side, especially the sick and hurt ones, because they're still suffering from their pain. My theory is that if they die from being sick, then they're still sick since I'm pretty sure that there aren't any doctors for ghosts.

Today Mummy's taking me to the park with Daddy, she says that she has good news for the both of us.

Mummy and I were both on separate swings, competing for who can go the highest, with Daddy's help of course.

At first glance, I could've sworn that I saw a pair of dark eyes peering at me from behind a tree, however when I turned my head to look back at the face, there was nothing there, not even a squirrel.

My mum cleared her throat, "I have something very important to tell you two."

"Is it something important?" I asked

"Yes but it's also good. I'm not sick or anything, it's really good actually."

Intently, I kept my eyes on my mum, waiting to see exactly what the surprise was, as was daddy. I was confused as mum pulled up her shirt a bit to reveal her tummy, however Daddy's eyes widened in immediate understanding.

"Your tummy is bigger, but only a little bit," I noticed.

She nodded, smiling slightly, "that's because there's a baby in my tummy."

I turned pale, looking at her, completely horrified, "you ate the baby!?"

"No no no love!" She quickly exclaimed, amusement evident in her voice, though I didn't find anything funny about eating babies. "The baby grows in Mummy's tummy until it's healthy enough to come out and meet us."

Sighing in relief, I took a new interest in her tummy. "So a baby is in there?" I asked just to clarify.

"Yes, your little brother or sister is right in here," lightly, she patted her hand against the very small bump.

"Can they hear me?" I asked quietly.

"Of course they can," Dad chose to speak up before Mum could answer.

I leaned over slightly to whisper to the baby, "hi there, I really hope that you're a girl just like Sarah. Also I think that Mum would really like a girl a lot more than a boy, no pressure or anything like that, but only so that you'll replace Danica. I'd love you either way, no matter what. Maybe if you're a girl, then she won't yell at you as much."

Once I had grown bored of the swings, I hopped off and ran over to the slide. However, I stopped along the way when I saw the same brown eyes peeking from behind a tree.

Frowning slightly, I walked towards the tree, and this time the small curious eyes didn't leave, instead he stayed, staring at me intently. Finally I had reached my destination, and when I did, there was a small dark haired boy with very pale skin waiting for me.

"Hello there," I said softly, afraid to scare him. "You don't need to be scared of me you know. All I want to do is help you."

The small boy bit his lip before taking a step towards me, "hi mister."

"You can just call me Louis, but if I had any friends, they'd call me Lou. What's your name?"

"M-my name is M-Mason. I'm five, and the youngest out of my three siblings."

"Really? What are the names of your siblings?" I asked, sitting on the grass by his feet.

He sat in front of me, "their names are Jack, Eli, and Cathy. They weren't mean to me, but they weren't very nice either."

"Then let's talk about someone who was nice to you." I suggested, watching him closely.

"Only you," he said, looking sadly at me.

"Oh, what do you like to do?"

"Read, and write, and pay make believe." He answered, "when I play make believe, I pretend that I have friends, and a family that loves me."

"Did you have any siblings when you played make believe?"

"Not all the time. Do you want to play make believe with me? We could pretend that we're friends," he suggested quietly. "Of course you don't have to if you don't want to."

"I'll play pretend with you, I don't mind it one bit."

I spent the rest of that afternoon playing with my new friend. It may have been pretend for him, but for me it was quite real.

***

I've been going to the park to see Mason every other day with my dad and mum for the past three months.

Today, mum couldn't come, because she's at the hospital. There's something wrong with the baby, so she had to go to the doctor. Dad is watching me from the swings, because he's too sad right now to do anything else.

It's been about half an hour, and I still haven't seen Mason's shy eyes that are always so eager to see me.

Within that half hour, my dad had received a call on his mobile, and has been pacing ever since then until he walked over, kneeling beside me. "Louis, I have something very important to tell you about the baby. It's nothing to be scared of, but the baby is a little sick right now, so when the baby does come out, we have to be very careful with her ok?"

I nodded before realising something, "the baby is a girl?"

He nodded, "yes, you're gonna have a little sister."

"Is she going to be okay?"

"Yes, just as long as you protect her like a good big brother should."

"Of course I will! I promise that I will!" I answered, knowing that it was a promise that I'd always keep.

He smiled slightly at me before standing to his full height, "alright then, go ahead and play."

I nodded, walking over to the tree that Mason and I usually meet at. After about five minutes, I saw a familiar pair of dark eyes, and smiled immediately, "hello Mason!"

Shyly, he smiled back, "hi. Do you want to play pretend again? You can pretend to be my friend, and you can have a pet cat too, and pretend that I'm not allergic to cats anymore because you're magical."

"You know, I don't need to pretend anymore right?" I asked.

"About being magical?" He asked.

"No, about being your friend. I don't need to pretend about it, because I really am your friend. I just wanted you to know that, because I didn't want to pretend anymore without you knowing that there is truth behind it." I smiled at him.

Nodding slowly, he answered, "I want to be your friend too, I was hoping that you would be. But I wasn't sure if you really want to be my friend, because you could just be another very good pretender."

"Well I'm not pretending. How about we play on the swings, I'll push you if you need me to."

For once, I saw him smile a real smile that actually reached his eyes. "I do like the swings a lot, but I like you as my new friend e en more than that."

***

When I went to the park a couple days later, I felt my heart clench in sadness when Mason wasn't there to meet me, but I knew that he is in a better place now.


	13. Old Habits Die Hard

"Hi Louis! We miss you a lot you know!" Daisy spoke through the screen.

I smiled fondly at her, "hey gals. I miss all of you too."

Instead of painting, I had decided to procrastinate, and Skype with my sisters, because why not. I'll just paint later.

"Are you coming back soon?" Fizzy asked, her face hopeful.

"I'm not sure Love. I'll have to ask mum, and you'll have to ask dad. Maybe we can try arranging something. If I can't come back home, then maybe we could meet up somewhere," I suggested.

Phoebe's eyes lit up, along with everyone else's, "really!?"

"Of course," I grinned sleepily."Anything for you girls."

"Lou?" Phoebe said, her eyes suddenly sad.

"Yes Love?"

"I miss Lottie too," she said quietly, then just like a chain reaction, Daisy and Fizzy's faces fell too.

Caught off guard, my breath got caught in my throat and I open and closed my mouth, unsure of what to say. "I- I know, I- I miss her too."

"You know we don't blame you for what happened, right?"

I nodded, "of course I kn-ow that.It's mum that I worry about, not you guys. I just want you to know that."

"Don't worry, Lou we're always on your side, right girls!?" Daisy spoke up as she turned to look at Phoebe and Fizzy.

"Yeah!" Phoebe and Fizzy answered enthusiastically at the same time.

"I knew I could always count on you girls. You three are the best sisters that anyone could ask for!"

For a moment, I saw Lottie's face through the laptop screen, and I smiled sadly before whispering, "love you too Lots." I saw her smile before dematerializing, "I've got to go, okay girls?"

They all nodded in unison, "bye Lou! We love you!"

"Bye Daisy, Phoebe, and Fizzy! Love you all too!" With one last smile, I closed my laptop, ending the conversation.

Sighing shakily, I opened my journal, and began to read over my words written so long ago.

All the spirits had been my friends, I loved each and every one of them. When they need to leave me, it's like there's a wound at my heart there that continually gets ripped open without getting a single chance to even heal up first.

Yes, don't get me wrong, I am happy that they get to pass on, but sometimes I just wish that I could have a friend that I can actually keep.

Of course there's Niall, but I don't even get to see him all the time like I do with my ghosts. I always see them, and I'm just used to them being there, so when they're gone it leaves me a lot more lonely than when I started.

"You don't look too happy." I heard a raspy voice curiously inquire of me.

"I jumped up, slammed my journal shut, and looked in the direction of where the voice came from. However, I sighed in relief to see that it was only Harry.

"Well that's because I am not," I answered, moving to sit on the edge of my bed.

"Do you want to talk about it then?"

I shrugged, "not really, but i don't really have anyone else to talk to that'll understand, you know?"

Harry shrugged as he took a seat next to me on the bed, "your words, not mine."

"I guess you give me no choice then," I looked down, slightly flustered. "I just miss my sisters, because they always make me feel... loved, which is something that my own um doesn't make me feel, because she hates me. And- And I miss my dad too, because he was really the only one who understood me completely. I mean sure, I told my mum about all the ghosts, but only because she forces me too. I just feel lonely, since I can't talk to anyone who would understand this but..." I trailed off, before deciding against it, and shaking my head as I began to tear up. "I'm sorry just never mind."

I spared a glance at Harry to see him nodding, "it's okay. I totally understand all about the overbearing mothers."

"I- I'm sorry, I know that my family problems are nowhere close to how bad yours were." I apologized, looking back down.

"No, no, no, it's fine. Don't you dare apologize for something I began. I was the one who asked you the question in the first place, and I meant what I said. I don't want you to feel bad, because of what you're feeling, you deserve to be happy just like anyone else. Don't cry Lou, please. It' okay that you don't want to tell me everything, that's fine."

"Oh well thank you," I blushed slightly, wiping away the moisture gathering beneath my eyes.

"You're welcome, Lou." He smiled at me, staring at me intently.

I smiled, before cautiously and quietly asking, "is your mum the one who did this to you?"

Harry's eyes darkened as he got up, "you should not ask me that."

"But Harry-" he immediately cut me off.

"Get ready. Niall is going to be here soon."

Then, just like that, before I could say anything else, he was gone.

Sighing, I walked downstairs, not caring that I am still in my pajamas, Niall has seen me in them plenty of times now.

Harry would have known that if he's always watching me as he says he is.

Just as Harry had predicted, Niall burst through the front door, since he has a key. However, Niall's worried eyes grew relieved as they landed on me.

"Your door was not locked, Lou, and I wasn't sure if you were okay. Why is your front door unlocked anyways?" Niall asked, confused, though I was just as confused as him, probably even more so now.

"I don't know, it hasn't been opened since my mum left this morning. I- I just now came downstairs." I said, trying to keep calm.

"Did..." Niall trailed off before speaking lowly, his eyes looking intensely into mine, "do you think that Harry did it?"

"I'm not sure... he could have, but I don't quite know him well enough. Though, I know how mad he can get..." I trailed off, this time knowing that Harry had been angry before leaving me alone.

"So it could have been him. You do know what this means right?" Niall raised an eyebrow.

I nodded, knowing fully well what that meant.

Niall and I came up with this number system for ghosts based on their strength. If a ghost is a 1, then they can just barely interact with physical objects around them. If they're a 10, then they are able to interact with people, and basically anything that they want to.

The higher the number, the stronger the ghost, and the more dangerous.

"What number do you think Harry is?" Niall asked carefully.

"About an 8," I mumbled truthfully. Nate had been a 10.

"Lou, this is dangerous ground you're treading on. You need to be careful."

"I know. I try to, but I just want to help those that help themselves, you know."

"Yes, believe me I know. But you need to know when to stop. A normal person would just become a doctor to help people, you know." Niall joked bitterly.

"I know Ni, but i can't. You know that."

Sighing, Niall nodded, as he closed and locked the door, "yeah, Lou, I know."


	14. Crime and Justice

"There have been a series of crimes committed recently that have been linked to gang activity. These crimes include rape, murder, assault, various home invasions, and other crimes as well. Yesterday, a full out shooting occurred at the park which claimed the lives of four people, while injuring two others. Both had been taken immediately into intensive care."

My mum walked into the living room, and turned off the television, "you shouldn't be watching this Hon, you don't need to know this stuff. How about you go and get ready for school."

"Yes mum," I sighed while nodding before I walked upstairs to my bedroom. I only watch news like that when no one else is around, especially Lottie, because she's only two, and won't really understand. So I only watch it really early in the morning, because Lottie is still asleep at this time.

It took me about five minutes to get ready since I was rushing.

Once I finished, I went downstairs to kiss my mum on the cheek, "I'm going to walk to school today."

"Okay, I guess that's fine, after all you are ten years old. I trust that you'll behave yourself."

I nodded, "yes mum."

"Good I'll see you soon then, I love you Lou."

"Love you too mum." I grinned, picking up my backpack before walking out the door.

I didn't rush straight off to school as my mum would have liked. Instead, I stopped by the cemetery, choosing to walk in between the grave stones there.

There are so many spirits here that aren't completely at rest yet, so in my free time, sometimes I come here to talk to them.

I knew that there was a shy, hesitant soul here that was hurting really badly, so I didn't think twice before walking over to the grave stone where the energy was more present and focused.

"Hello. I know that you're here..." I looked at the grave stone weathered with age to read the name. "I know that you're here Kate."

A small dark haired girl, who seemed more transparent than not, stepped shyly from behind her grave. "Hullo."

"Hello Kate. My name is Louis, but you can call me Lou if you want to that is."

She nodded, "have you seen my brother?"

"What's his name Kate?" I asked her.

"His name is Jimm, Jimm Stewarts." She answered immediately.

"Okay then Ms. Kate, I'll bring him to you the moment I see him, I promise."

"Thank you Lou." She smiled at me a small but genuine smile.

"Don't thank me until I bring your brother to you."

***

I walked to the park instead of going straight to school, and walked slowly around the benches, trees, and swings. No kids were out playing, all probably at school like I should be. I would be there too, but I'm here on important... business I guess it could be called.

It's my kind of business.

The only people here are me and the old man whose always here feeding the birds.

I walked towards where I saw the yellow police tape, knowing that was where the people had died.

"Hello is anyone here?" I asked quietly, not wanting to grab the attention of anyone else.

That would be awkward.

I felt that there was at least two spirits here. One of which didn't fit the description of the shooting victim.

"I know that not all of you were killed in the shooting. One of you are very angry, actually."

They didn't show themselves. It took me about half an hour to get a reaction out of him.

"Leave," was his harsh one worded answer.

However, I only stepped closer to where I heard the voice, "why do you want me to leave?"

There was a sigh, though it was lost in the wind, "don't want anyone else to get hurt."

"But I won't get hurt unless if you want to hurt me."

"No, others will."

I looked over to the bench to see that the old man was gone, as were the birds, which was weird because they're always here.

There was a twig snapping, a quiet footstep, then shots rang out, one of which pierced my arm, and the other a tree by my head.

"I tried to warn you!" The ghost yelled at me as I started sobbing in pain, clutching my bleeding arm.

I felt something cold go through out my whole body, and remain there, which stopped the blinding pain in my arm. Like I've never done before, I took off running, running back to my home, pounding against the door.

My mum holding Lottie opened the door, nearly dropping Lottie once she saw me, "Troy!"

I was immediately rushed to the hospital, but even while I was on the stretcher heading into surgery, the cold feeling didn't leave me, giving me a sense that I wasn't alone, even though I really was.

It was dark, and I felt floaty, no pain at all.

I heard a steady beeping, which was my anchor that kept me from floating away completely. I also heard my mum's crying as well as my little sister's.

It took me all my willpower to open my eyes, but once I did it, my sister immediately reached out towards me.

"Lou Lou!"

I smiled at her, holding my arms out to her. My dad, who was holding her, gently handed her off to me.

"Is Lou okay?"

I nodded, "Lou is okay as long as Lottie is okay."

"Lottie is okay," she nodded, wiping away her tears. "See. Is no more cry."

"I love you Lots."

"Love you lots too Lou." She grinned, snuggling into my neck.

***

"What the Hell were you doing there instead of at school where you should have been!?" My mum yelled at me the moment she shut the front door, having just gotten back from the hospital.

I looked down, "I just wanted to help the spirits there. I'm just trying to help those that can't help themselves, and those that not everyone can help."

"Just because you can see ghosts doesn't mean that you just go around helping every single soul out there that you could find!"

"Well that's exactly what it means for me. Just because I do something that you don't understand doesn't necessarily mean that it's wrong." Without another word said, I stomped up the stairs to my bedroom.

The moment I walked in, I saw a teenage boy sitting at the edge of my bed, waiting for me.

"Why hello there. It's about time you came up." He spoke, and I realized him to be the same spirit that had warned me back at the park.

"Who are you and why are you here?"

"I don't see why I should answer either of those questions." He shrugged, keeping his eyes on me.

"Well you are in my room, so I guess that I should at least know your name."

"That is something that you aren't going to get right now. But to answer your second question, I sort of did save your life you know. If I hadn't been there you would have died instantly, but I saved you. So I wanted to see that you were still alive. Kudos to you for living still." He rambled, standing up, becoming restless.

"Oh, then thank you I guess." I sat at the edge of my own bed, taking his former spot. "Why were you in the park anyways?"

"Well you see, gang activity has gone way up the past couple months, and quite frankly, the first person they chose to shoot was my sister. Though she may hate me right now, I need to find her, because I don't want to leave her alone again." He spoke slowly, almost hesitantly. "I was in the park to prevent anyone else from getting shot."

I nodded, before thinking a moment.

"Why would she hate you?" I asked.

He sighed, deciding to sit next to me instead. "Well, long story short, our parents left us, so since I was the older brother, I had to take care of my sister. However, no one wanted me to work, because I had no work experience at all. So I joined a gang. They took us in. The opposing gang decided to break into HQ, and I got shot, died instantly. As you could imagine, that left my sister alone with no one to help her."

Abruptly, he stopped talking and before I could say anything, he disappeared, leaving me alone.

There was a small hesitant knock at my door, meaning that it was probably Lottie, "come in Lots."

She opened the door, closing it behind her, then crawled into bed next to me. "Heard mum and you arguing. Is okay?"

I nodded, "we're okay Lottie, don't worry at all about what's going on, promise?"

"Pwomise." Lottie nodded, wrapping her arms around my neck as she cuddled unto my side.

"Good. I love you." I whispered softly, however she was already asleep, and I followed suit soon after.

***

Though mum made sure I got on the bus, she couldn't stop me from walking twenty minutes to get to the park once I got off.

When I got to the park, the old man was sitting on his bench feeding the birds that gathered around him.

The teenager from yesterday was laying on the green grass, "I had a feeling that you'd be back."

I shrugged, "her name is Kate right?"

He froze a moment only to unfreeze afterwards, and stood up, which made me feel super small since he is so tall. "Where is she?"

"Follow me," was all I said, and he did so willingly as I led him to the cemetery.

As we neared her grave stone, I saw Kate sitting daintily on top of her grave stone, her legs crossed one over the other.

However, the moment she saw me nearing, as well as the boy next to me, she jumped off and ran over to her brother, hugging him tightly.

"Thank you so much Lou, I missed you so much," she said happily, talking to both her brother and I at the same time.

"No need to thank me, it's what I do," I smiled, happy that I could reunite them again.

"It's Jimm, that's my name."

"I figured," I shrugged.

"Yeah, but you asked, and I always do my best to answer the questions of those who help me out."

"You're welcome then Jimm."

The last I saw of Kate and Jimm were their large relieved smiles.

***

"Lou, don't listen to your mum. She doesn't understand what you do, and she always wants to be right. What you do is important, because you're helping those that not everyone else is able to help. You're special, and those spirits that you help out, they know that, and they'll always be grateful to you. Just always remember that promise?" My dad asked.

I nodded, "I promise.


	15. Triggers

Nate picked up a small hand gun, that I realized to be my own father's, as I walked into the room.

 

This has never been a problem before.

 

My ghosts wouldn't have had the strength to pick up a gun and shoot me in the face, and yet here I am right now facing a gun that I never would have seen pointed at me.

 

"Call for help, and I'll kill you instantly, and I'm sure as Hell that your family won't be too happy about that."

 

I slowly nodded to show my understanding.

 

"Okay, just cam down. No one needs to get hurt."

 

"Don't you dare tell me what to do!" He yelled at me, pushing to the ground with ease since I'm much smaller than him already, as well as much lighter.

 

"Okay okay!" I yelled, afraid as I broke my fall with my outstretched hands. A sharp and sudden pain jolted up my arm as did my ankle. Pain radiated from my wrist and ankle. I knew that I had landed wrong, and gritted my teeth from the pain.

 

"Not telling me what to do anymore now are you? Let this be a lesson for you to not disobey me, I suggest you don't do it again." He smirked evilly at me.

 

Sobbing, I woke up, though all I could feel was the ghost of the pain from my ankle and wrist.

 

I remember both my ankle and my wrist had been broken from the impact on that day.

 

"Sh Lou you're okay now," I heard someone say soothingly, sighing afterwards.

 

Sniffling, I curled into myself, hiding from Harry.

 

"No no, don't hide from me. It's okay Lou, it's just me." Harry assured me carefully. "Just face me at least, please?"He very nearly pleaded with me.

 

However, I burrowed further into my blankets, tightening my vice like hold on my pillow.

 

"Okay fine then, just talk or say something please?"

 

I couldn't help letting out an embarrassing whimper at first, but then nodded, and let out a broken 'okay'.

 

"Thank you Lou," you're such a good person, you know that?" Harry asked.

 

"I- I think so..." I said quietly, hesitantly.

 

"You're really special, so it hurts me to see you so upset like this."

 

I blushed, "th-thanks."

 

"I'm sorry about earlier today. I'm just not ready to talk about it right now. Maybe later, but not now, or then." Harry said slowly, trying to explain himself to me.

 

I nodded, "I understand."

 

"Thanks Lou, I knew that you'd understand me, you always do," he grinned at me. "Are you feeling better now?" Harry asked, his green eyes followed my hand, watching as I wiped away the remains of my tears.

 

As I did so, I realized that I was actually feeling much better after our short conversation. "Yes, much better actually," I sat up in my bed, tucking my feet beneath my bum.

 

"I'm glad. Do you think you'll be okay on your own or..." he trailed off, asking the unsaid question.

 

"I um won't be going to sleep any... anytime soon, and I... I actually want to paint for the first time in forever and I was wondering if... if you'd let me paint you..." I looked down in case he rejected my offer, I didn't want to see his face if he did then.

 

"Lou Boo of course I will! All you had to do was ask." I looked back up at him to see his smiling face.

 

"O-Okay," I blushed, getting up to turn on the light. Once I did, I dug into my closet, opening the large cardboard box, I then took out the paints, brushes, and, more importantly, the canvas.

 

With trembling hands, and nervous fingers, I set up my canvas. I looked over to Harry who was sitting on the edge of my bed.

 

He smiled slightly, and motioned for me to go ahead. Flustered, I took out a dark forest green paint, applying it to me pallet, mixing it with just a hint to white to make it slightly lighter. Once I got the exact shade of his eyes, I added the black to my pallet as well, right next to the green.

 

When I readied the colors that I needed, I looked again at Harry as if asking for confirmation.

 

"It's okay Lou, go ahead," he assured me.

 

So, starting with the eyes, as I always do, I painted.

 

It took me a total of three long hours to finish, and by the time I put down my smeared and empty pallet, my canvas was filled with its colors.

 

Harry got up from where he had been perched on my bed to stand next to me the moment I put down my paintbrush. His eyes immediately widened in awe and what appeared to be amazement when he laid eyes on my painting.

 

"Lou, it's beautiful. I love it," he smiled at me. "You're amazing."

 

I shrugged bashfully, "thanks, I'm glad you like it then."

 

He stared at me for a little while longer, looking like he was about to say something important before deciding against it. "I need to go. Your Mum's coming."

 

"Okay, I'll see you later then," I grinned, though it was bitter sweet as he left.

 

***

 

It wasn't my mum that broke Luke and I up, it was the fact that he couldn't take my ghosts anymore.

 

"Louis," he sighed seriously. "It's not just me and you. It's me you and your ghosts."

 

I looked down, having seen this coming, "Luke, that's because it is. Those ghosts are a part of me, so you can't have me without them. They are what make me up, and keep me alive. I'm sorry Luke."

 

"I know... I understand your passion."

 

"No, no you don't though, because if you did, you would have known that this wouldn't have worked out from the very beginning." I said quietly, turning and walking away, my own words fading as he grew further away from me.


	16. To Be Remembered

Two years previous, my age: 11

 

"There has been a car accident at the road off of two eleven. Jake Jay Johnson was twenty years old when he died. It was his birthday, and he was going to meet his brother, Alan, to go to their parents' graves. 'That was our tradition for our birthdays, and holidays each year,' Alan had stated here just yesterday. At twelve this morning, Alan was found dead in his bathtub with slit wrists, and a large amount of pain killers in his system. A fatal amount..."

 

That year, I had helped Alan but only under the condition that I'd remember to help his brother if I were to ever find him.

 

I haven't forgotten, even after a couple of years, because when I make a promise, I keep it. There's no need to lie when being entrusted by someone with their promise.

 

Present time (Two years later), my age: 13

 

It's December eighteenth, and I visited Katherine and Noah's graves, the parents of Alan and J.J. I was hoping that I'd be able to find J.J. here, at his brother's grave, or even at his own grave.

 

However, my luck isn't as great today as it's been for the past couple years.

 

He's not at rest yet, I can feel it whenever I go to visit his grave, his presence lingers still, yet he never wants to appear to me.

 

I've came to the conclusion just last year that he doesn't want to be helped. However, that doesn't stop me from coming here, because I made a promise, and he still needs the help whether or not he wants to take it.

 

Just as it has been for the past couple years, J.J. didn't appear.

 

This time, I went to his grave the very next day as well, and decided to talk to him, though I knew that I wouldn't get an answer back. "Why won't you appear to me? I'm only trying to help you. I have a promise to keep, and you soul to lay to rest."

 

A slow deep voice spoke menacingly, "leave now."

 

I backed away a couple steps the grave, but stood my ground. "Why do you want me to leave?"

 

"Because you have no business being here," the voice spoke to me again.

 

"And why not?" I spoke up, a bit louder this time, but only by a bit.

 

"You don't understand me, or anything, or anyone else." He spoke angrily this time to me.

 

"That's where you'r wrong. I do understand, actually. I know that your name is Jake Jay Johnson, but your younger brother calls you J.J. Alan is your younger brother, of whom slit his wrists, killing himself when he was ten, because his twenty year old brother, you, died in a car crash, and he didn't want to be alone. It's been two years since then. I know that your parents died of their hemophilia when you two were both too young. Both of you were out of foster homes until you got a job to provide for yourself. You tried gaining full custody of your brother the moment you turned eighteen years old, however they didn't let you, because you were inexperienced. I know that you liked to play cars with Alan, and read and tell stories to him. You wanted to reconnect with him during the holidays so you'd get to see him again, so you made a deal with his foster parents that he'd be able to meet you holidays, your birthday, and his birthday. That is just a minimum of what I know about you. Don't you dare say that I don't care, because I'm probably the one person that does care about you on this Earth right now. Heck, I probably care more about you than your own family ever could!" I yelled the last sentence, upset that he would even think such a thing.

 

The silence between us could've been cut with a literal knife.

 

"Okay, so you know me more than what I gave you credit for, I apologize."

 

I nodded, "it's okay."

 

"All I wanted was to be remembered," he said quietly, with a sigh.

 

"You are remembered by those people on t.v., your remaining family in Bosnia, your brother Alan, and both your parents. But, more importantly, you'll be remembered by me."

 

There was another silence before he spoke again, quieter this time, "you will?"

 

"Yes, always no matter what." I answered whole-heartedly.

 

"I believe you," he whispered, then there was a wisp of air in my direction, and that was when I knew that he was in a better place.

 

The moment I go home, I took out one of my old journals, ripped out all the pages I've written in, and began writing about all my ghosts, starting all the way with Sarah, and ending with Alan and J.J.

 

Name: J.J.

 

Gender: Male

 

Age: 20

 

Siblings: Alan (10)

 

Parents: Katherine and Noah

 

My Age: 13

 

Time of Death: December 18, 2008

 

Reason Why Died: Car crash

 

Needs to pass: To be remembered

 

My pen lingered on J.J.'s last words written there. Looking back, I counted at least ten ghosts written, all the way from when I was three to now.

 

My mum walked into my room, a hand on her rounded tummy. She's pregnant again, and the baby is another girl.

 

"Hey, what are you up to?" She asked, sitting on the edge of my bed.

 

I shrugged, and held my journal out to her, "I can't explain with words, so read it yourself."

 

She took the journal from me, reading over my neatly written words , eyes lingering on each word.

 

"Oh. I see that your... ghosts mean a lot to you, so in the future I'll try to respect that." She smiled, though it was fake, and before I could say anything more, she walked out of my room as quickly as she had walked in, leaving me with unshod tears.

 

Sighing a trembling sigh, I shut the journal, hugging it closely to me as I fell asleep that night, feeling a little less alone than I usually feel, because it felt like all my ghosts were with me once again.


	17. ANew Promise

I decided to paint Sarah a month after I decided to paint Harry, my very first friend.

 

It wasn't easy to get all her facial features exactly the same, but I got it pretty damn close. She was small, a lot smaller than what I had ever remember being, however to her, I suppose that she's been that way her whole life.

 

Her small bruised eyes were a dark sunken brown, yet sad and tired, just as they had been, except for when we'd play together. Then her eyes would become happy again, just as they should be.

 

Short blond hair fell just above her shoulders in greasy waves.

 

I sighed, remembering how she had died. It was a death that no one deserved, especially not her, because she did nothing wrong at all.

 

"Hey, you don't look very happy at all," a familiar voice spoke from behind me, and I grinned, knowing that it was Harry.

 

"Well I am now that you're here," I said without turning around to face Harry, instead I painted the finishing touches on the teddy bear that was in her arms.

 

"Who is she?" Harry asked when he saw that I finished painting Sarah, and moved on to the background. "She doesn't look too happy."

 

"Well she is now. I gave her my favorite teddy bear, and she was happy again." I tried explaining to him as I used a mixture of blacks and grays to paint the background.

 

Harry waited a little while longer to speak again, "what's her name?"

 

That was when I stopped painting, putting down my brush, "her name is Sarah."

 

"She was someone important to you wasn't she?" Harry said, and I could feel his eyes on me burning holes into my back.

 

I nodded, "she... she was the first one."

 

"Your first ghost?" Harry asked.

 

"Yeah, and my friend. But I... I helped her get to the other side, because that's what I'm supposed to do. I help... I help them, you guys, get to where you need to be, where you're supposed to be."

 

"Oh." He answered, seeming caught off guard, but once he got over the initial shock, he replied seemingly angrily. "I see. Is that why you talk to me, just so that you can get me out of your way?"

 

"No, I do it because I care, Harry." I started out firmly, but ended up whispering by the second part, "I thought that you'd understand that."

 

"Promise me that I'm not just another one of your... your cases then," Harry said, and when I turned to face him, his eyes held fire, and passion, which disguised the loneliness that he was feeling.

 

"Harry, they're never just cases. They're all my friends, all a part of me. They are who I am, Harry. I promise that you'll never be anything less than that."

 

"Okay." He said, though I could tell that he didn't fully believe me. "So what happened to... Sarah?"

 

"Her parents killed her. They got high one night, and beat her to death," I answered, excluding the part about her parents being two gay men, not sure how he'd take that.

 

His eyes softened, "she looks young. I'm sorry."

 

I shook my head, "don't be. She's in a better place now. That's what I have to tell myself everyday to keep myself from feeling sad. I always miss them, but I don't want to be sad over them, not when I know that they're happy. It's just the way that things have to be, you know?"

 

"It doesn't have to be like this, you know." Harry said quietly.

 

"I know, but this is the only way I know, and besides, it's the way it needs to be for me. I'd have no other purpose in living if I don't have my ghosts." I explained, looking down, fiddling with the hem of my shirt where a thread was coming loose.

 

"My mum did this to me," Harry blurted out suddenly.

 

My body froze with its fidgeting, and I looked up. It took a couple of moments for my mind to shift gears, and I slowly nodded, "okay, okay. Your mum she... she did this to you?"

 

He nodded, "yes, she did. I figured that right now would be an okay time to tell you."

 

"Oh yes totally, it is. I'm sorry, it's just that you caught me off guard is all."

 

"It's fine. I just wanted to tell you in case I spontaneously... retire because of your general presence." He joked with a chuckle.

 

I grinned as well, "I doubt that it'll be that easy." Though, little did I know just how wrong I was with that statement.

 

AN: Sorry It's so short, but I wanted to update quickly, so here you go!


	18. Bleeding For Love

I'm fourteen now, and it's my first year of high school. No one likes me here, because they think that I'm weird.

 

They just don't understand me, no one seems to.

 

I first saw Liam on the very first day of school. I had gotten lost, and the bell had already rang, so no one was there to help me out with finding my classroom.

 

Scared and alone I decided to walk down random hallways instead of looking for my actual classroom. For all I know, I could've past it, in fact I knew that I probably did pass it.

 

Within me, it felt like I was searching for something else, someone else that didn't involve a classroom.

 

I felt the need to go down a hallway, there was a tug, an energy source, a faint barely there presence. Naturally, I followed that, and was lead to a ghost.

 

He looked tired as he waved slightly at me, then pointed down a hallway, indicating me to follow his finger. Without a word, I did as he directed me to, and was surprised to see my designated class.

 

Once I reached my classroom, I looked back to see that he was no longer there, and that was when I knew for certain that he wasn't of the living.

 

The second time I saw him, I had accidentally bumped into someone, who was much taller, as everyone seems to be, and he and his buddies crowded me against a wall. I cowered against it, eyes closed in fear.

 

I thought that was going to get my face pounded in, however, I saw him again walking towards me through the crowd of people. He turned around so that he was facing away from me, towards the crowd, I knew that they couldn't see him, though they could probably feel his general presence.

 

The ghost towered high above me, blocking my view of the scene in front of me. He crossed his arms across his chest. I could still feel them advance towards me, and I curled into myself, feeling scared, even though I was being protected.

 

However, the ghost in front of me pushed away the people trying to get to me. They were instantly propelled backwards so hard that they landed on their bums.

 

Looking pale with fear, they all ran away, and that was when the ghost turned to face me again.

 

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly, as if he was the shy one.

 

All I could manage in my state was a nod.

 

"They're the ones who killed me. Well not them specifically, but bullies. Sometimes they're so angry that they don't even need a reason to beat you up. They'll say that you looked at them funny even though you didn't, then you're the one who feels helpless, because no one is brave enough to stand up for you. As you just saw, no one stood up to help you, they just want to fit in." He explained to me, reaching out his hand for me to grab.

 

Hesitantly, I took it, he was the first ghost that I had been able to actually touch.

 

I knew that he could hurt me if he wanted to, but I trusted him not to.

 

"Is that why you're still here?" I asked.

 

"No, I'm still here to see my daughter, I just like helping people along the way," he shrugged. "I don't remember catching your name."

 

"Well that's probably because I never threw it," I grinned.

 

"Ah, that'd explain it. My name's Liam Payne," he held out his hand again.

 

"Hello Liam, I'm Louis Tomlinson, but Lou works just as fine." I put my hand in his, and we shook hands, which gained weird looks from people walking down the hallway.

 

"Well hello Lou. You better get to class, it's going to start soon. But I'll see you at the end of the day if that's fine with you."

 

"Of course I can see you after school, but I'll need to be home on time to look after my sisters Lottie and Fizzy." I explained, "but I don't mind skipping my last few classes to help you out right now."

 

"Really?" You'd do that just for me? But what if you get in trouble with your teachers?" Liam asked, as if he cared more about my education than I do, which he probably does.

 

"Of course, I want you to be at peace as soon as possible!" I exclaimed. "You could be here forever, but I won't be."

 

"That is a good point," Liam nodded.

 

"I know that it is. So how old is she?" I asked, loving babies, and children in general.

 

"She's around five right now. Her name is Celeste Peazer, and she looks exactly like Danielle, her mum," he grins, seeming far off even though he's right next to me.

 

I watched him, giving him time to return, and once he did, I nodded, "okay, she sounds cute. How about we talk more outside?"

 

"Yeah sure," he nodded.

 

It was scarily easy for me to get out of school, as if no one actually cared that I was leaving school grounds.

 

We were walking together for a full five minutes before I paused, "earlier you were talking as if you've actually seen her."

 

"Well that's because I have from outside the window. They're living in the emergency homeless shelter, because Dani's parents kicked her out when she got pregnant. Of course my parents didn't want to take her in, because they saw that it was her fault that I am dead. The bullying only got worse for me once she got pregnant until I was beaten literally to death."

 

"Oh, I see. I'm sorry about that. The shelter is near the library isn't it?"

 

He nodded, "yeah. I would've walked in, but as you've probably noticed, I'm a bit too solid, and I don't want to scare anyone."

 

"It's fine, I understand. I'll help you get in. It'll be a piece of cake."

 

However, fifty million tries later, I was standing in the elevator with Liam next to me. Turns out, for security purposes, they installed a buzzer thing, so I had to convince Danielle to let Liam and I into her room, as wrong as that sounds.

 

I followed Liam's instructions to get to her room, and knocked.

 

A woman, whom I guessed was Danielle, opened the door, a small girl hiding behind her leg.

 

The moment she looked beside me, Danielle gasped in shock, placing a hand over her mouth.

 

The little girl tugged lightly on Danielle's shirt, "Mumma who are those men?"

 

I looked over to Liam to see that he was in complete shock as well, so I decided to speak instead. "I'm Lou, and this is Liam, your Daddy. I'll leave you three alone."

 

When I finished speaking, Liam seemed to break out of his trance, taking a step towards Danielle and Celeste.

 

"Thank you so much Lou," Danielle grinned as well.

 

"It's no problem at all Danielle," I grinned before leaving them alone, just as I said I would.

 

***

 

The next weeks, and even months following, I didn't see Liam.

 

Though, just as Liam had said, the bullying continued, and not one person helped me like he did.

 

So, I decided to find solace with Dani as she was my first friend that was actually alive.


	19. And So The Plot Thickens

I had finished painting nearly all my ghosts, I just haven't painted Nate, Zayn, Danny, and Dakota.

I've told Harry about all the ghosts that I've helped except for Nate.

I hate Nate.

He left me stuck with these stupid nightmares that keep me up all night, which makes sleep impossible for me to find. When I find sleep, so do nightmares.

Always they're about Nate.

Those are the nights that Harry lays on the bed next to me, talking to me just to calm me down.

It's just not fair.

Nate gets peace, and I get insomnia.

It's something that I need to deal with now. Niall is worried about me, and I know that he has good reason to be. However, I have to keep Niall calm so that he doesn't get too worried and tell my mum about what I'm doing.

My mum is pissed at me, but I don't even know why. I haven't done anything wrong. In her mind I have, because sure misses Lottie, Fizzy, Daisy, Phoebe, and Daddy. To make it worse, she's stuck with me, the person who is the cause of the predicament we are in.

I asked her if the girls and I could meet up, but she doesn't want me to.

She probably doesn't want me to get them hurt, and she'd probably kill me herself if she found out about Harry.

Aggrivated, confused, tired, and upset, I decided to hop into the shower, letting the burning pellets of water wash away my anger and fear, instead I let myself feel sadness.

"You have a lot of scars," I heard a familiar voice state.

Out of shock, I covered the parts that I needed to. While there is a shower curtain, it's a see through one, which really sucks for me especially right now.

"Harry get out!" I whisper shouted at him, my mum wasn't home, but I wouldn't like to chance the neighbors hearing me.

"Looks like you've got two bullet scars there," he observed, and continued, "a few scratches, a few cigarette burn scars. Damn Louis, what do you do in your free time?"

One bullet scar was from that stupid gang that shot me, and the second was from Nate.

I know that one scratch is from Lottie when we were fighting, and she got mad and scratched me.

The others are from ghosts that get a little too handsy, just like the ghost that had scratched me the first time I came here.

The ones that are from cigarettes are from Zayn. One day, I woke up with them, and no matter how many times I asked him about it, he had guiltily denied making them.

I shrugged, "I help ghosts like you."

"So a ghost shot you?" He asked quietly.

Tears in my eyes, I nodded before turning away from him so that he couldn't see my scars anymore, not even caring that he would be staring at my bum.

"What was his name?" Harry asked.

"N- N..." I trailed off shaking my head. I didn't want to speak his name after so many years of not needing to.

"Lou it's going to be alright, I promise. He won't come back and hurt you, he can't. He's gone."

Sniffling, I nodded, "his name was N-Nate." I held my tears, "he hurt me really badly, and he's the one I dream of at night, only him. He- he killed my little sister Lottie. She was sick, and so was he in- in a different way. All- all I wanted to do was help him, b-because that's what I do! But I was stupid because all he wanted was revenge, to hurt everyone and anyone. He didn't care that Lottie could die from the slightest of scratches because of her hemophilia. And- and he hurt her really b-badly. I don't even care what he did to me, just to her. All I had left of her was her ashes, but you took that away from me. And- and it's all my- my f-fault." I sobbed.

"Louis please listen to me, it wasn't your fault, I promise. It was all Nate's fault, all Nate's." Harry assured me frantically.

"Are- are you sure?" I sniffled unbelievingly.

"Yes Lou I'm very sure. God I wish that I could just hold you right now and make you feel better."

"Th-the feeling's mutual," I managed a watery grin, though he didn't see it, I knew he could hear it in my voice.

"I'm glad that it is, Love. How about you step out of the shower before you end up hurting yourself," Harry suggested.

I shook my head, "I... I don't want you seeing me... without any clothes on."

He sighed, "fine have it your way. I'll leave, but I'll come back later, but only if you come out now."

"Okay fine," I huffed, getting out of the shower, and once I did, Harry was already gone. Gratefully sighing, I dried off, choosing to finally get actual clothes on.

I called Niall from my mobile, "hey, Ni want to go on a shopping spree?"

"Sure why not, meet you in ten."

Quite honestly, I had the best afternoon with Niall, to put it lightly.

I bought new paints, and canvases, and sketch books, and colored pencils, and a bunch of other things as well.

When Niall and I got to my house, my mum was ready there and fuming.

"Where the Hell have you been?" She asked me.

"I went on a walk with Niall," I answered cooly, used to lying to my mum and, stood in front of Niall as if to protect him.

"No, you two went to the mall! Don't you dare lie to me, I'll know. Niall you can leave now, you don't need to see this." She glared at my one and only friend.

"Be careful," Niall whispered quietly, slightly squeezing my hand before leaving me, closing the front door behind him.

"How do you know that I want hanging out at the park mum?" I asked hesitant to know the answer.

"I installed a tracking device into your phone, that's how," she glared at me.

However, I glared back, "mum, you have no rights to do that. I'm turning eighteen in a couple months. It's not fair that you treat me like this! I can't even go on a simple shopping spree with my only friend for a couple of hours! You know what? I'm going back to Doncaster next week, because I don't know how to deal with you anymore!" I screamed.

My mum's eyes widened in shock, but I ignored her as I stomped upstairs, plastic bags in hand.

Harry was waiting for me, sitting on the edge of my bed.


	20. Whispers In The Dark

We're going to move to another house, because mum says that I lead too many ghosts here, and she doesn't want any of them to hurt us.

 

I'm glad that I get to escape from the stupid kids at the school, because Fizzy, Lottie, and I will be going to different schools. However, mum wants us to go out strong with our grades, so she's making sure that all our homework is done and correct.

 

That basically leads us to now, it's a Friday night, and I'm working on stupid homework that I should be able to finish over the weekend. However, my mum, being cranky and hormonal, decided that I had to do all of it tonight.

 

I don't complain, because she's pregnant, not even when she sends me embarrassingly to my room in front of Lottie and Fizzy.

 

Did I listen to her? Yes.

 

Did I make a scene while doing so? Also yes.

 

Was my mum pissed? More than likely yes.

 

Did I care? Hell no.

 

Dad is away on another work project, so it's just mum here with us.

 

Mum checks in on me every five minutes or so to make sure that I'm actually doing my homework. When I do something that doesn't look like homework, she yells at me, even if I am doing actual homework.

 

So, I basically can't win either way

 

"Louis," I hear a voice whisper quietly to me.

 

I drop what I'm working on, and perk up immediately, "yes, hello it's me, it's Louis. What's your name?"

 

"I'm too weak... so weak... so cold..." is all the voice says to me, sending chills up my own spine.

 

"Where are you? Can't you come here?" I asked lightly, getting up when I realized that the voice was coming from outside my window.

 

"Can't move... can't ever move... so weak... I need him..." they trailed off frailly.

 

Bravely making up my mind, I got up, and opened my window, staring off into the cool dark night. "I'll help you find him, but you have to show yourself to me first."

 

"Can't... you come here... can't... move... can barely... speak..."

 

Biting my lip, I locked my bedroom door, turned my radio on full blast, and carefully climbed out of my opened window.

 

"Hurry... Louis... please hurry." This time she spoke more urgently, needing my help badly.

 

Not caring about the cold air, I ran to where the small desperate voice was coming from. I ended up coming to a very large dead tree that had a cavernous opening in the trunk. Inside it, I found a girl lying down, who looked about eight years old.

 

She was a sickly pale color, and looked as if she was just barely hanging on.

 

"Hello there, I'm here. I'm here, it's Louis," I spoke to her gently, assuring her that I was really there.

 

Coughing into her elbow, she left drops of blood in the crook of her elbow and her lips. Holding out her other arm to me, she managed a small relieved smile.

 

"Hi... can you hold my hand please?" she whispered to me.

 

"Of course love," I whispered gently to her, reaching out my own hand to her.

 

Immediately, I felt something that I've never felt before. It was an odd feeling as if I was leaving myself, my body, that present moment in time, my entire being.

 

First, I was floating away, off into nothingness. I saw my body slump to the ground, but I knew that I wasn't in it. I didn't feel the pain my body was in, and yet I knew that it was there.

 

Then I blinked, once, twice, thrice, then everything was gone, and there was a nothingness.

 

There was chaos, even though it was dark and peaceful. No one was there except for me, and the chaos surrounding me.

 

I screamed when I started hearing unfamiliar voices.

 

"She's not going to make it, she's too weak. Her brother might make it, but she won't, I know she won't. She's too weak for anything, and she keeps complaining about the cold even though it's over ninety degrees Fahrenheit (32 degrees Celsius) in her room..." the voice went on talking exactly like that in a posh and dignified way.

 

Another voice grimly layered on top of that voice, "the medicine isn't working. She needs more advanced medicine that I don't have, and by the time I get it, it'll be too late. On the other hand, her counter part might have a chance at making it..."

 

"This stupid girl! Whatever she caught, she probably passed on to her brother! She should have been more careful than that! She should have known better! how frivolous of a girl can she be! She's supposed to be acting like a young eight year old lady, not a monster, and see where that got her! Sick and in bed!..." A woman's voice spoke angrily on top of the other two voices.

 

I covered my ears, it was overwhelming that so many different voices were speaking all at once, and they were all things that I hated.

 

When I opened my eyes, there was a closed bedroom door, and three adults conversing in the hallway outside of the door. The woman appeared to be the mother, the first voice was the father, and the second voice seemed to belong to a doctor.

 

"They're my mother, father, and doctor. They're arguing 'quietly' about me, but I can still hear them through the closed door." The same small girl spoke, taking me by the hand, and leading me to another bedroom.

 

She gently opened it. Inside was a small boy sleeping in a bed that seemed much too big for him.

 

"That's Danny. He's me my twin brother, but we're fraternal twins, so we aren't exactly the same. He's all that I really have, because everyone else treated me differently since I was different than how they wanted me to be. Danny didn't care about that, because he loved me. When I'd get yelled at, he'd always be there afterwards to hold my hand when I cried." She spoke lovingly. "Even if he was better than me, I still loved him the same."

 

"You two are the same though, because you guys love each other, hated your parents, but still loved them." I stated.

 

"Thanks, but he was always the one to go after me. The one time I need to go after him, I can't find him," she said sadly, sniffling.

 

I opened my mouth to speak, but she shook her head, "close your eyes again?"

 

Obeying, and respecting her words, I closed my eyes, and was returned to darkness, and the voices.

 

"We can never tell Danny that she didn't make it. He won't be able to take it. We just have to say that she chose to run away. We need to hide her body," someone spoke, the woman.

 

"There's a place in the woods, we could plant another tree over top of her so that her body won't be found."

 

"You're a genius darling! We must do it quickly."

 

I opened my eyes to see the mother and father carrying the girl's dead body through the woods, and I followed quietly. They passed by a tree that had the names 'Danny + Dakota' carved into it inside of a heart.

 

I averted my eyes as I saw how the two parents harshly threw the girl's dead body into a large hole in the ground.

 

"Danny found out in the worst way, he followed them out here," I heard her speak, pointing to the small boy that was watching horrifically from behind the very same tree that had the carving into its trunk.

 

"No," I whispered.

 

"He died the very next day. We were separated again. They buried his body in the park and built a pavilion on top of him, but I'm too weak too move from here. That's why I need your help."

 

"I promise Dakota, I will find him for you."

 

I opened my eyes, and this time I was back inside of my body, outside my home. My mum was screaming from inside the house, I could hear it.

 

With wide eyes, and shaky fingers, I climbed back up to my window, and into my room.

 

My mum was pounding on my door, "let me in right now Louis William Tomlinson!"

 

I stupidly opened the door, knowing that I couldn't avoid her forever.

 

"Mum, I need to go to the park right now." I spoke sternly.

 

"Louis, you are not going to the park!" My mum yelled at me.

 

I felt Dakota's presence still within me as I took a step towards my mum, and for a second everything blurred as I yelled at her, "let me go to the park! You can't control me!"

 

When I was able to see right, my mum was pale and shaking herself, "Louis, you are getting an exorcism tomorrow, I am sick and tired of this."

 

Fear filled me, because I wasn't sure if that would stop my ability to help ghosts, "I need to go to the park right now."

 

"If I hear that one more time-!" I cut her off with a very bold statement.

 

"If you don't let me go to the park right now, I will kill myself."

 

Without hesitating, my mum's hand quickly raised and collided to hard with my cheek that my lip started bleeding, and I was on the carpeted floor staring up at her in horror.

 

My mum had hit me, my mum never hits me.

 

She isn't allowed to.


	21. Life Before The Cell Phone

"Hey girls," I grinned at my computer screen.

"Hi Lou!" They screamed at me, excited that I was talking to them after about a week of no communication what so ever. I didn't want to talk to them on the phone, because I was afraid that mum was somehow monitoring my texts and phone calls. I've even stuck to emails when communicating with anyone.

"Guess what, I have good news." I smile at them, tired as always.

"Oooh what is it!?" The twins exploded at the same time, leaving Fizz to gape at their weird twin connection.

"I'm going to visit you gals and dad soon!" I said exclaimed.

Their eyes widened in alarm, and for once neither girl knew what to say. However, that was of course the moment that they decided to burst out all at once.

"When are you coming!?" Phoebe yelled out while Daisy chose to yell, "how'd you get mum's permission!?" Then on top of that, Fizzy yelled out, "I have no words!"

Everyone frowned deeply at each other before bursting out with laughter, and I chuckled along. "I'm aiming on coming in a couple of weeks, take or leave a few days. And really? Permission? I don't need permission, I'm coming because I want to. Seriously Fizzy? Your words there were words."

"He pretty much sassed everyone but me," Phoebe smiled innocently as the other two pouted.

"Well that's because you were the only one asking an actual legitimate question for once," I shrugged.

"I am disgusted," Phoebe wrinkled her nose.

"Of course you are princess, now how about I let you guys go. I know how excited you are, and your bedtime is soon, so I don't want you too hyped up for dad." I stuck out my tongue at them.

"Oh please, when are we not hyper," Daisy rolled her eyes.

"... Lou... you just got sassed!" Phoebe pointed at me.

I rolled my eyes, "girls please, I created sass. Goodnight girls, love you!"

"Love you Lou!" They all chorused together, Phoebe and Daisy with slight pouts.

I ended the call before logging out of Skype completely then went to check out my email.

As expected, Niall left me something in my inbox.

To: LouLou

From: NiNi

Message: Hey Lou! Just checking up to make sure you're okay. You're mum isn't letting me in the house anymore, because she said that you have a new tutor. Is that true, or is she just being mean to me for being a bad influence? Please respond back soon so that I know she hasn't killed you or anything! :(

With much love,

Ni

Sighing, I couldn't help the small smile that began to spread onto my face as I replied.

To: NiNi

From: LouLou

Message: Hi Ni! (See what I did there? It rhymes!) I'm okay, don't worry! I'm going to see my sisters soon, in maybe a couple weeks or so, but I'll need your help getting there since you're eighteen, and I'm almost eighteen, but not yet... Anyways. my mum is totally just being mean tot you for being a horrible influence in my life. Anyways, I'm okay for now, she hasn't killed me yet, don't worry! You still have your best *cough cough* only friend. ;)

With much love,

Lou

"I can tell that you miss them," I heard Harry say, choosing to appear and sit next to me at that moment.

"You need to stop sneaking up on me!" I exclaimed, my heart pounding in my chest. "But yes, you're right. I do miss them."

"I miss mine too sometimes, my family." He spoke.

"Oh. Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, crossing my lap and scooting closer to him.

He shrugged, "I guess that I could."

I nodded at him to show that he has my full and total attention.

"Well my mum and sister, Gemma, didn't really like me much, because they said that I'm too much like my dad, and that I'm crazy." Harry shrugged. "You see, my dad has a temper, much like your mum's, and he'd go out and get drunk then come back home and beat up on us. He eventually left for another woman, and I didn't handle it in the best way possible." Harry looked down guiltily.

"And you got angry." I confirmed.

"Yes, I'd get angry and punch holes in the walls, I'd fight with Gemma and my mum, I'd scream, I'd cry, I'd hook up with random people..." Harry trailed off and shook his head. "Everyone thought that I was crazy. My mum took advantage of me, and killed me. She didn't even care about me. But I cared so much about her and Gemma. I just didn't know how to show it, you know?"

I nodded, "yeah, I definitely know. If you were still alive, what would you say to them?"

"I'd tell them that they're wrong, because I'm not crazy, and I really do love them." Harry smiled tentatively.

"I think that would be very much deserved." I grinned, but couldn't help the yawn that escaped past my lips. "Sorry, I'm tired."

"No it's okay, I know you haven't slept in a long while. Are you going tot try sleeping tonight?"

I shrugged, "I don't know, maybe. I have a lot of preparing to do. I need to get presents for all my sisters and my dad for Christmas, and I need to start packing, and I need to sneak my passport from my mum's room, and I need to make a plan with Niall and you probably get the point."

He nodded, "that could wait until the morning, and I can help you with getting your passport, and the packing. You'll tire yourself out if you continue on like this."

Blushing slightly, I smiled slightly, "okay. Thanks Harry."

"No problem. Now try getting some rest." Harry winked at me as he blew me a kiss before disappearing.

I opened my laptop to send an email to my dad.

To: Daddy

From: Lou

Message: Hey Dad! I'll be there in couple of weeks, though I'm sure that the girls have told you already. Anyways, I want to buy you all Christmas presents, but I haven't seen you guys in over a year, so I pretty much have no idea what to get you guys so s.o.s.!  
Love you so much,  
Lou


	22. A Patten Begins

Sobbing quietly to myself, I laid in bed. Just hours earlier, my mum had hit me, then she grounded me, claiming that I had disobeyed her.

All I wanted was to go to the park, granted it was late, but she could have simply yelled at me like she usually does.

Instead, she chose to hit me, which is already bruising, by the way.

Confused, I turned to Sarah's designated page. Never once did I ever think that I'd have a parent like hers.

If my mum were to hit me again, what do I do? Should I tell dad, or the girls, or keep it to myself?

Being me, I chose the latter of the three, and kept it to myself.

The next day, I woke to the sound of muffled arguing from my parents' room. Out of interest, I placed my ear against the wall, and listened intently.

"...can't if he doesn't want to!" My dad yelled at my mum.

"...have to... tearing us apart!" My mum yelled back.

"...it is only if you let it! ...perfectly fine with him being the way he is. He's passionate about this... deal with it." My dad started out yelling, but ended up almost assuring her in the end.

"...can't... gonna do it..." Was the last thing I heard before they stopped.

I knew that they were obviously arguing about me since they said 'him' and I'm the only son around here, and it would make sense anyways.

On Monday, my mum kept me home for her own reasons, but dropped Lottie off at school, and took Fizzy to her daycare, with me still in the car.

She was silent as she drove, but she didn't take the usual route back home, she was driving me somewhere else, and I had a sinking feeling about this.

"Where are we going mum?" I asked.

"Just out," she answered.

I decided not to speak after that, not wanting to make her mad at me, or ground me for even longer.

When we pulled up at a church, I knew exactly what she was trying to do, and the moment she parked, I hopped out the car, and took off running.

I wasn't getting an excorcism.

"Louis!" She yelled after me.

Ignoring her, I ran faster instead, not caring about the weird looks I got.

It took awhile, and by the time I got there, I thought my heart was going explode, but I made it to the park. Tiredly, I stepped into the pavilion and sat down, knowing that there was a second presence.

I smiled fondly, "hello, I know that you're here, Danny. Could you please make yourself known to me?"

There was a small and almost unnoticeable sigh, but I heard it none the less, "yes I hear you. Can you speak?"

There was a small squeak, then a sniffle as if he was crying. "Hey it's okay, I promise. Please don't cry. It's okay. I'm Louis, and I know where your sister is."

An excited noise was made, and I heard some shuffling around. "I could take you to her. I know that you're weak right now, but so is she, probably even more so. She could just barely lift her arm."

Another squeak was made, but this time it was out of shock.

Getting up on to shaky legs, I looked in the general direction of where the noises were coming from. "All you need to do is follow me, Danny."

I heard a very small, 'okay', to my own surprise, and once that was said on his part, we began to walk. He still didn't reveal himself, but that's fine since I knew he was following me from his heavy shuffling footsteps.

Once I made it back home, I noticed that my mum's car was back in the driveway, but decided that it didn't matter in that moment.

I went to my backyard, and the moment we did, I saw Dakota in that tree hollow again.

Looking behind me, I was happy to see a young boy standing behind me, eyes lit up. He ran to his sister, and hugged her. Dakota looked at me, mouthing a thanks.

That night, my mum tied me down the moment I walked into the house, and performed a meaningless exorcism on me, against my will.

Even though I didn't want to cry, I did, and when dad came home, he hugged me tightly, tempted to file a divorce, but didn't because he didn't want to leave us alone with her.

Even later that night, my mum came and apologized. I accepted it even though I knew that she was lying.


	23. A New Pattern

From: Daddy

To: Lou

Message: Can't wait for you to come here! We all miss you so much! For me you could just get me a card or something, it doesn't matter to me. The twins want clothes, as usual. They only went a size up, haven't done much growing. And Fizzy wants a doll house, with dolls and other accessories. That should be it, but the twins might want a couple of those 'My Little Pony' toys. Overall though, all we want is for you to make it here safely. I'm assuming that you want to be with your Mum by Christmas day, so what would you like for your birthday and Christmas?

Get back to me soon!

Love, Dad

 

I sighed in relief that no one wanted anything too extravagant. After all, I do have to pay for plane tickets too.

 

To: Daddy

From: Lou

Message: Believe me, I miss you all too, probably even more so than you guys miss me! Okay then, I've got the presents covered, I hope. You know me all too well, yeah I don't want mum being alone for Christmas, even if she doesn't like me too much. :/ Oh my goodness, I don't even know what I want! But an iPod would be nice (hint hint). But anyways, if you can't get me one, then just some art supplies and a new journal would be nice. My old one is starting to fall apart.

Love you even more!

Lou

 

I sat up when I heard rocks being thrown against my window, and was grateful to see Niall waiting for me. Opening my window, I waved at him to quietly come up since my mum was home, but totally wasted.

 

Niall climbed up the tree by my window in order to climb through my open window.

 

"Why hello Rapunzel." Niall grinned at me.

 

I grinned back, "since when am I the girl in any relationship?"

 

"Please, since always." He chuckled, "so I'm guessing that you're asking me to illegally smuggle you onto a plane right? Well, I have to problem at all with that!"

 

"Well it's not really illegal. I just need you to be with me, and act like my big brother when we go in so they wouldn't ask for any parental permission since you're already eighteen." I shrugged.

 

"Lou, your plan is ingenious." Niall shook his head. "I'll do it, but if we get caught, I blame you entirely for it, got it?"

 

I nodded, "of course. Now, you need to take me shopping. I need to buy presents."

 

Niall shook his head, "okay then, lets hurry, then. There's a Toys R Us close by."

 

It took a couple hours, okay maybe three, but I got what the girls, and my dad wanted, and then some. It's been so long since I've seen them, and I just didn't want to buy them something that they wouldn't like. That would be embarrassing.

 

Niall bought the wrapping paper, and a very large cardboard box. It took over half an hour to get all the bags into my room through my window. Niall and I spent hours wrapping presents neatly while goofing off.

 

Once all the presents were wrapped, and the envelopes were sealed, we placed the presents into the large box, then taped it shut.

 

"Thank goodness that's out of the way!" Niall sighed in relief. "Hey your room's starting to shape up some. I see you've been painting quite a bit."

 

I smiled faintly, and nodded, "yeah, I decided that they deserved more than just a page in my book."

 

"That's very strong of you to say, especially considering your.... predicament right now."

 

"Yeah." Was all that I was able to answer, I didn't believe him when he says that I'm strong, I really am not. In fact, I depend on the dead to live my own life.

 

"This one's Harry?" Niall asked, getting up to gently place a hand on my painting of Harry.

 

"That's him," I couldn't help my fond smile.

 

Ignoring my smile, Niall's eyes were drawn to the corner of my room, "already packed up I see?"

 

I nodded, though I hadn't been the one to pack the bag, as it wasn't there before Niall and I left to shop for presents, so I assumed that Harry had been the one to pack it.

 

"Do you think we should buy the tickets online?" I asked, not wanting there to be any set backs before my trip. "It would take off some of the pressure you know? And besides then it'd be one less thing to worry about."

 

"Well I guess so." Niall shrugged, returning to his spot next to me.

 

Another half hour was spent booking a flight, and printing out tickets since was something that neither of us had done before.

 

My laptop pinged, signalling a new message is in my inbox. I clicked on my inbox icon, and was shocked to see who had emailed me.

 

From: Mum

To: Louis

Message: I hope you know that I monitor your email too. I hope that you also know that you won't get away with what you're doing.

Your Mother (a.k.a. The woman who spent nine months carrying you inside her before having to push you out of her vagina)

 

I glared at the screen for a good minute before typing an appropriate email for that moment.

 

To: Mum

From: Louis

Message: I hate you. I wish you weren't my mum. I don't know how dad could love you, I don't know why I still try to love you. You're a crazy bitch.

 

This time, the roles have switched, I was the one throwing the 'I hate you's' instead of my mum.

 

"Are you okay?" Niall asked me carefully.

 

I nodded, numbly, "just settling an old score is all."


	24. Cancer Sticks

We moved to another house the moment after my mum performed the exorcism on me.

 

Since then, I haven't seen another ghost, and I was contemplating on what I should do.

 

I tried googling 'how to see ghosts again' but most of the sites I went to were stupid, but those that were actual legit sites, gave me many suggestions, which I tried, but none of it worked.

 

Became increasingly worried that I'd never see a ghost again, I asked my dad about what I should do. He looked at me sadly, and said he didn't know. When he had stopped seeing ghosts, it stopped permanently.

 

That night, I locked myself in my room, and having no other outlet for my anger, I screamed into my pillow for hours, until my throat became raw. Even after that, I didn't stop, not caring that I had began to cough. Only when I started to cough up blood did I stop, knowing that I didn't want to hurt myself that badly.

 

However, the next day, my throat was so swollen that I wasn't able to eat, drink, or talk. All I did was lay in bed miserably, and from time to time, my dad would come in and lovingly stroke my forehead.

 

So, I missed my second day of school, and the third, then even the forth.

 

However, I went on the fifth day, but it was Friday, so all the work from the week was given to me, which was quite unfortunate for me.

 

I had homework in pretty much every class, which didn't help people to like me. They gave me annoyed looks when I'd ask for the notes. The teachers told me to stop being a nuisance, and to stay after school if I wanted to catch up. So, that's how ended up getting stuck sitting in the library two weeks later, because I couldn't find the time to stay after.

 

I was stuck with a tutor for at least a month.

 

I sat waiting for my tutor to come, but it was after half an hour, I began to wonder if there was even a tutor.

 

My thoughts were soon proven wrong as a teenage boy, who looked about my age maybe older, walked in and took a seat across from me. "Hope you don't mind." He said, and I thought that he was talking about being late, however he pulled out a cigarette, and lit it.

 

"Um not at all," I said nervously, not sure of what else I should say. I knew that he would get in trouble once the librarian smelled the smoke. That's what happened with someone who was smoking in here earlier.

 

"Good. Now how about you take out your notebook, so we can begin."

 

When I went to get my notebook, he stayed to laugh at me, which ended in him violently coughing, "I hope you know that I was only j-joking."

 

"O-oh," I stuttered.

 

He ran his dark hand through his even darker quiffed hair. "I'm not going to teach you shit. I don't feel like it, so deal, with it."

 

I blinked, and looked down in embarrassment. "Okay then, I have no reason to be here then."

 

I got up, and walked quickly out of the library, then exited the school.

 

It's been about a week, and I haven't stayed after school for studying at all, not wanting to waste my time on a stupid tutor.

 

However, I was called down to my guidance counselor, and when I got there, she looked at me as if she was disappointed.

 

"Louis, have you been going to your tutoring sessions?"

 

I shook my head, "not since the first one."

 

"Well you need to. According to Luke, you haven't gone to any." She said, then as if on cue, a quite attractive boy about my age walked through the door.

 

Confused, I looked between him and my guidance counselor, "but... there was someone else there... he had dark skin, and hair, he smoked, and he was rude... that's not him."

 

"There's no smoking allowed in the library, that couldn't have happened," she immediately dismissed my words.

 

That was when I knew that it had been a ghost, and I was so relieved that I was still able to see ghosts again.

 

So, I started to spend more of my free time in the library instead, hoping that I'd be able to see him again. I had no luck at all the first week, however in the second week, I saw him again.

 

I looked at him, and he stared at me. He knew that I knew what, and who he is.

 

"What do you want from me?" He asked me.

 

"Your name." I answered

 

"Zayn Malik," he shrugged.

 

"Your death day." I continued.

 

"March twenty first 2010, I was 16." He answered, puffing smoke straight into my face purposely.

 

I studied him closely for a full minute before I noticed he had a pink triangle tattoo on his forearm, matching the one that I have on my ankle, "and you're gay." (AN: I know in real life Louis' tattoo isn't pink, I made it pink because it stands for homosexuality!)

 

"Does it matter?" He snapped at me, it was obviously a sensitive subject, so I decided that he probably had a boyfriend.

 

"What was his name?" I asked, unphased by his snapping at me.

 

He sighed, "he was an exchange student from America, Niall Horan. We have matching tattoos."

 

I nodded in understanding, "were you two still together when he went back?"

 

"He never left, I was the one who left first."

 

"Okay, I believe you. Do you want to see him again? Is that it?" I asked.

 

"I guess," he shrugged.

 

"I can make arrangements for you to see him again. All I need is some help from you."

 

"Fine," he shrugged again.

 

Zayn gave me Niall's phone number, address, and email. That night, it felt like someone was watching me as I dialed the number, but I shook it off, knowing that it was probably just another ghost that needed help. Nowadays, it's the living I fear more than the dead.

 

The phone rang a couple times before he picked up, "hello, who is this?"

 

"Hi, I'm Louis Tomlinson. There's someone here that would like to see you, and I was wondering if you and I could arrange something." I said carefully.

 

"And who is this someone that wants to see me?"

 

"You may not believe me, so I just need you to keep an open mind right now okay? Your boyfriend, Zayn Malik, wants to see you."

 

There was silence on the other end before he spoke again, "Zayn? You've got to be kidding me. Do you know how many prank calls I get over this?"

 

"Probably too many," I answered. "But please listen to me, just hear me out. I know that your name is Niall Horan, and you're an exchange student from America. Zayn died when you were still together, and before you could even leave. He smokes, and you two have matching pink triangle tattoos. March twenty first, 2010 was when he died. You were his everything, and when he died, he was wearing a white short sleeved shirt that said a lot of 'thank yous' in red, and it said 'fuck you' in the middle. That's how I knew about his tattoo. He's reserved, and poses like a bad boy, and acts like he doesn't care, because he hated school, and work. But the one thing he does care about is you." I said, out of breath by the time I was done.

 

"Good job, all you've managed to do is describe exactly what everyone else at our school knew. You skipped out on the part that he died of lung cancer at-"

 

"The age of sixteen," I cut him off. "I honestly didn't know him, I just moved here last month. All I want to do is help you, and him."

 

"I'm sorry," was all he said before hanging up.

 

Sighing out of frustration, I laid back in my bed, and before I knew it, I fell asleep, thoroughly exhausted.

 

Later that night, I woke up confused, disoriented, and there was a searing, burning pain radiating from spots off my ankle. When I pulled back my blanket, I was horrified to find cigarette burn marks all around my tattoo.

 

Gritting my teeth from the pain, I got up, and limped to the bathroom. That day, I didn't need to go to school to see Zayn, he was waiting for me in my room. His face screamed guilty as I walked into the room.

 

"Did you do this to me?" I asked him, almost gently.

 

"Nope," he answered, popping the p.

 

"Well I don't smoke, and neither does anyone else in my family, and you're the only one blowing smoke around here so..."

 

"So what? Doesn't mean that I did it."

 

"Yes it sort of does." I answered.

 

"No, it really doesn't." He retorted.

 

Sighing, I shook my head, "whatever."

 

I had to get my passport, and pretty much begged my dad to take me to America, which he did the next day, after asking a couple questions.

 

From the airport, he drove Zayn and I in a rental car to Niall's house, where I knocked on the door.

 

A tall blond haired teenage boy answered, and I guessed that he was Niall.

 

"Hi I'm Louis, we spoke on the phone a couple days ago."

 

"I remember you." He spoke, "so then where is he?"

 

"Right next to me," I answered. "He's the on that gave me your address and phone number."

 

Niall eyed me up and down, "what does he want to say?"

 

Zayn spoke, and I repeated what he said to Niall, assuming that Niall couldn't hear him, "he says hi, and that he misses you so much. He can't believe that he gets to see you again, because he never thought he'd see your beautiful eyes again. He's sorry that he smoked so much, and that he had to leave you without a good-bye. He wants you to know that he loves you still, and always will. He's sorry about what he did to you."

 

Slowly Niall nodded, "how can I believe you?"

 

This time, I eyed his fore arm, searching for the tattoo. When I found it, I noticed the burn marks all around the triangle, as to be expected.

 

"He did that to you didn't he? Well look at what he did to me," I carefully rolled up my pant leg, and removed the large bandage I had placed over my wounds.

 

Immediately, Niall gasped. "It's almost identical."

 

"Zayn would get mad at you sometimes, wouldn't he?"

 

Niall nodded, eyes filling with tears.

 

"Do you believe me now?" I asked quietly. "Do you believe him?"

 

All Niall could do was nod as he hugged me tightly.

 

"Z, I forgive you. And I love you too," he sniffled, turning to the direction where Zayn was.

 

For once, when I turned to look at Zayn, there was no longer a cigarette in his mouth, and he was smiling.

 

That was the last I saw of Zayn Malik, but not the last I saw of Niall Horan.


	25. To Doncaster And Back Again

AN: A lot is going to happen in this chapter just as a warning, and it's sort of violent! Two more chapters after this one! Enjoy the chapter!

I sighed in relief, knowing that everything was going to be alright. I get to see my sisters and dad, and mum is going to get some alone time away from me.

Harry wasn't so happy that I had to go, but understood. He blew me another kiss, though I knew that he wanted to give me a real one, and the feeling was mutual.

Niall, on the other hand, was upset, and made me promise to call him every night. I'm not too sure I will though, because before I got into the plane, Niall chose that moment to lean in and kiss me.

It lasted for about two seconds, but that doesn't mean it didn't mean anything.

Before either of us could speak, a flight attendant told me to board the plane, since it was going to leave soon.

I managed a small wave at Niall, and got on the plane, not waiting for Niall's awkward wave back.

I'm sort of conflicted between Harry and Niall, a conflict that shouldn't even be happening, because Niall is alive, but Harry isn't. However, I can't help the feeling I get around Harry. I can be carefree around him, and while I can be carefree around Niall, it's not the same at all.

When I'm around Niall, I'm reminded of everything I can't have, a normal life, a normal family; but Harry helps me forget all the pain. It happens the very moment that I see him.

I cleared my mind, deciding to think about positive and non-confusing thoughts.

***

The moment I landed, there they all were waiting for me, and yet it was so unreal, almost as if they weren't even there.

As they grew closer and closer to me, I knew they are real. My sisters' excited screeches were very well audible as were my dad's just as loud cheering. When it came to crying, I was the first to break.

"What's wrong Lou?" The twins asked quietly in unison.

I grinned, wiping away the tears from my flooded cheeks, "nothing, I'm just really happy is all."

"Well we're all happy too, Lou," my dad smiled at me widely, pulling me into a tight bear hug.

In that moment, I was able to forget everything, all my pain, my confusion, my dysfunctional family, and was able to focus on the happiness that I felt.

***

My happiness was shortly lived.

Two weeks in Doncaster is nearly nothing compared to actually living there again, but I knew that as I boarded the plane with teary eyes, my mum was probably drinking her sorrows away in Cali. For all I know, she could laying in a ditch drugged up somewhere.

As I grew closer and closer back to America, I felt anxiety start to strike heavily in my chest, but I could do absolutely nothing about it. I haven't called Niall, too afraid of what would come up, and I didn't want to lose my only friend.

Then again, I still should have called him, because he is my ride back home after all.

Gratefully for me, I have a really awesome friend, and while Niall looked upset when I walked towards him, he still seemed relieved that I was okay.

I managed a small tired smile. The past two weeks, I've barely slept, maybe an hour here and there, but nothing consistent.

"Hey Ni," I spoke first, initiating a hug.

"Hey Lou. I'm glad you're back."

"I'm glad to be back," I answered somewhat truthfully. I had missed Niall and Harry, but not my mum, or the situation I'm in.

"Good. I think that your Mum needs some checking on. I'm pretty sure she hasn't left the house since you left."

I nodded, "yeah okay then. Let's get there quickly."

It was a long and awkward car ride that I spent transcribing from my old journal to my new one. Once we got to my house, I found myself not wanting to go inside.

"Do you want me to go in with you?" Niall asked, concerned.

"No it's just... I don't want to go inside." I answered quietly.

"Well you have to go sometime today, and there's not so much of that left, so..." Niall trailed off.

It took a bit of time for me to gather up my courage, but once I did, I replied simply, "okay, you're right."

"Good, call me when you can, okay? And actually call me this time."

Blushing slightly, I nodded before oprning the foor and stepping out, "I'll do my best."

"You better," Niall winked at me as I shut the door.

I rolled my eyes playfully, and walked up to my front door, knowing Niall wouldn't leave until he saw me walk through the front door.

It was quiet, too quiet when I entered the house.

Not trusting the fear that began to grow in my chest, I clutched my journal close to my chest.

"Mum I'm home," I said cautiously as I peeked into her opened door. To my horror, my mum was laying in bed, a pool of blood around her.

"Mum!" I exclaimed, not sure of whether or not I should touch her or not. I further inspected where the blood was coming from. Fear plagued me even further when I saw the stab wound in her side.

Biting my bottom lip, I was frozen in fear. Not knowing what else to do, I ran over to the attic door, and found it already opened.

Carefully, but quickly, I rushed up the stairs, "Harry! Harry, what happened to my mum!?" When I reached the top of the stairs, Harry was nowhere to be found.

Sighing shakily, I tried calming myself, and tried thinking over what I should do. While I may hate her, I can't just let her die.

I rushed even faster downstairs, and back to my mum's room with a first aid kit. Skipping the disinfectant, I pulled her shirt up and wrapped the wound, applying pressure.

She groaned slightly, but didn't wake up.

Quietly, I walked to my room to grab my mobile. I left it here, because I knew that my mum would bother me the entire time I was in Doncaster.

To my shock, my mobile wasn't where I left it.

A chill crept up my spine, and I turned around to see Harry, but relief didn't flood my system, instead I backed away.

In Harry's hand was a bloody knife.

"Harry... what is this?"

"This was the knife that stabbed your Mum, and this will be the same knife that will kill you."

I backed away, clutching my journal closer to me in betrayal. "Harry, you don't mean that."

"Yes, I do actually." He took a step closer to me.

"Harry..." was all I could quietly say as the back of my knees hit the bed.

He pushed me down onto the bed, surprising me even more so.

"You can... you can t-touch me?" I stuttered.

"Of course I can, I could have from the very beginning. I just wanted you to think I couldn't so that I could get close to you without you getting... suspicious."

I tried to keep calm as I scooted up the bed to get away from him.

"Harry, you don't mean this, you care about me, I know that you do."

"You know what? I've thought about raping you just like I'd rape my sister... right on top of this bed. When you'd sleep here at night, I'd wonder how you'd sound, if you'd scream like her. Of course I've heard your screams, in fact I've grown tired of them." Harry climbed on top of me, pressing the knife to my throat.

"But- but I thought that you said that- that your Mum..." I trailed off.

"I never actually said that. You just assumed it. Someone was raped and murdered her. Gemma was the raped one, and I was the murdered one."

Unable to articulate any words, I gulped, and he pressed the blade harder against my throat.

"That's exactly what I thought." Harry smirked at me, "now let's see where exactly will I begin..."

Harry lifted my shirt, despite my struggling, and lightly at first, dragged the knife against my chest, creating a small 2 inch cut. 18 more cuts were made to my chest, despite my struggling and screaming. When I looked down, I saw that he had carved his name bloodily across my chest.

"H-Harry pl-ease stop," I whimpered.

"Shut up," he growled at me, carving his name again sloppier and deeper this time. "You better be quiet or else it'll hurt more, got it?"

I managed a small nod, biting my bottom lip harshly to keep my whimpers and cries quiet.

After many torturous minutes of pain throughout my whole body, I wasn't able to take it after awhile. With my lip bit through by my own teeth, I felt myself grow lighter and lighter, closer yo unconsciousness.

Harry hovered above me, his hands covered in my blood, as were some parts of his forearms, and flecks covered his face as well.

Fighting to stay awake, I tried not to focus on the blood that surrounded me.

"Last words before I end you?" He asked, eyebrow raised.

"W-why?" I struggled to whisper out.

"Why not?" Harry shot back at me.

"C-cause I... I love y-you." I whispered, my eye sight started to blur.

Harry froze his actions, and sat up, completely in shock. He dropped the knife as parts of his fingers started to gradually disappear. "What... what's happening..."

Before I could say anything else, Harry was gone.

Hugging my journal close to me, everything went black.


	26. How The Nightmares Began

I met Nate when I was wandering through the cemetery.

He was quick to follow me home. The only problem was that I didn't know until the next day.

I was home sick again, even though I don't remember how I could have possibly gotten sick.

Besides the point, I was home and began to hear banging noises from downstairs. Being 'the man of the house', I walked quietly downstairs with my dad's steel baseball bat in my hands.

As I got closer, I saw a large man in the living room. He was making a large mess, punching holes in the walls, breaking my mum's glass collection, tearing pictures of Lottie, Fizzy, the twins, and I. There was truly a large mess of which I didn't want to clean.

"Hey! Stop it!" I yelled at him, and he turned around, showing his ugly face.

"Why should I listen to a fag like you?"

I froze. By that point, I had gone out with, and been dumped by Luke.

"Because this is my house, not yours." I answered calmly.

"No it's not. Now, are you going to actually be a man and hit me with the bat, or no?"

Opening and closing my mouth in fear, I took a step back when I saw that he had a gun, more specifically, the family gun.


	27. To Be Loved

It was dark.

I couldn't feel anything, no pain, no fear, no worry.

I didn't care if my mum was out wasn't okay.

I didn't care that I was probably dead.

I knew that I had so many people waiting for me on the other side.

Niall might miss me for a bit, but he'll forget me after awhile.

My family might miss me, but they know that I'm happy now.

"Louis open your eyes." A small gentle voice spoke to me.

I couldn't help but obey, and I was glad that I did.

In front of me, I saw a head of familiar blond hair.

Only this time, it was shiny instead of greasy, and her once bruised eyes were healed, and didn't seem the least bit tired.

"Sarah!" I exclaimed, hugging her small body to me.

"Hi Lou. I still have Mr. Snuggles, do you want to play?"

I nodded, happy tears in my eyes.

We probably played for hours before Sarah looked over at me with more serious eyes.

"Lou, you can't stay here, not quite yet. You still have a lot of people that you need to help."

I sighed and nodded, "okay, but I don't want to go back yet Sarah."

"I'm sorry Louis, but you need to. There are still others that need your help."

"I understand. Will you tell everyone hi, and if you see Harry then tell him that I love him?"

"Of course." She nodded, "I'll see you later Lou."

"See you later Sarah." I smiled grimly, and closed my eyes.

This time, there was darkness and pain all over my body.

Breathing was easy, so I assumed that I was hooked up to a ventilator.

I was floaty, but the pain and constant beeping were my anchor to life.

My hospital room was silent for once.

I didn't dare open my eyes, not yet.

I didn't want to face my life yet.

I wasn't scared, I'm just tired of everything.

So I kept my eyes closed.

Days past, and I heard someone's small whispers calling me.

"Lou come on, time to wake up. Can't sleep forever you know. I understand that you feel upset because you miss Harry, but you need to get up."

My brow furrowed, "Lottie?"

"Yes. I'm staying here until you leave, now wake up."

I cracked my eyes, but Lottie was nowhere to be seen.

"You can't see me, only in your dreams, but you can always hear me no matter what."

I nodded in understanding, "okay... hello Lottie."

Just then a doctor walked in, "finally awake I see."

I nodded.

The doctor picked my journal up from the nightstand, and handed it to me. "It seemed pretty important."

"Thank you," I said softly, holding my slightly bloodied journal closely to my chest.

"No problem. There's a pen on the nightstand if you need it."

Not knowing what else to say or do, I nodded, which made the doctor walk out.

I shakily grabbed a pen, and turned to the middle of my journal, and hovered my fingertips over the writing under Harry's name.

In my neatest handwriting, I started to write despite the gathering tears in my eyes.

'Needs To Pass: To be loved.'


End file.
